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May 12th, 2004, 09:27 AM | #1 |
Now Im Nothing
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Rochester, NY
Age: 39
Posts: 2,415
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Self loathing turned outward
Now before you read this ... "poem" let me give you a little background... i wrote this last night... just after i found out the girl that i put so much love into had been seeing someone towards the end of our relationship and not even a full two days after breaking up she was already with him... so i wrote this in an extremely ragefull mood... if its too much block it... but this is how i was feeling at a particular time... and some people told me it was really good... so here it is...
I will rip your head off.... i will shit down your throat everything i felt was nothing but a goddamn joke you took advantage of everything kind you made me lose all sanity in my mind but now i get revenge on you and that cart pushing f*cker i will cut you so deep you mother f*cker for the first time i've known you i hope you die i wish i could stab out your beautiful eyes cut up your goddamn beautiful face leave you in a heap of bloody disgrace So i say f*ck you and i am out the door again die and goto hell my heart is sore again.
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"It wont give up it wants me dead... Goddamn this voice inside my head" five vicodin chased with a shot of clarity... Last edited by trunks69420; May 12th, 2004 at 09:28 AM.. |
May 12th, 2004, 10:11 AM | #2 |
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 2,265
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Well i already told you what i think about it awhile ago but i'll say it again...it's quite good but sad at the same time...it's amazing how some people can writte well when they are depressed..you're just another one of them..too bad it had to happen all that stuff to make you writte like this..i liked alot more of that one you made about your friend Mike you should post that one in here as well it's very good..
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May 14th, 2004, 11:14 AM | #3 |
Every One Dies Alone
Joined: May 2002
Location: In the depths of existance where the hot magma flows.
Age: 37
Posts: 1,057
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You know me Cor-Cor, I told you it was great and not just because of the violence. I think your style is very powerful to which it had shown how you felt and it made me feel that way also. Stop thinking you are a bad writer. Everyone has their own personal style. You are always going to find someone out in the world who doesn't like one of your pieces even if the only person in the world who hates it is yourself.
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All around me are familiar faces Worn out places Worn out faces Bright & early for the daily races Going nowhere Going nowhere Their tears R filling up their glasses No Xpression No Xpression Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows No 2morrow No 2morrow & I find it kindof funny I find it kindof sad. These dreams in which i'm dying, R the best I've ever had |
May 14th, 2004, 11:14 AM | #4 |
Now or Never
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Zürich
Age: 42
Posts: 2,456
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I can see why those words in shuch situation, but whoa, so much rage in it! Are you sure you can really hate somebody so much? A person you loved before being betrayed? Very sad
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May 14th, 2004, 06:34 PM | #5 | |
Now Im Nothing
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Rochester, NY
Age: 39
Posts: 2,415
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Quote:
It was temporary rage... it was written as i found it out... yeah.. i know it is harsh... it felt like my heart was torn out of my chest... but only after being grinded by a rusty drill and pulled around in there for a while... so i was hurting... Now... i just dont care... F* that girl... i am better than her... so you know what? i just could care less and i think its sad that she has to latch onto someone just to feel better i am the better person... so she can goto hell... i still have love for her... but its about... 2%of what it was... she is my friend and will remain that... its just gonna be rough for a while.. heh but thanks everyone for your thoughts....
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"It wont give up it wants me dead... Goddamn this voice inside my head" five vicodin chased with a shot of clarity... |
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May 16th, 2004, 05:53 AM | #6 |
pazparacolombia
Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Restless dreams...
Age: 43
Posts: 2,002
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It sounds like Nine Inch Nails the early years And maybe a little Miles Davis... if he spoke those crazy sounds instead of playin them out his trumpet... yeah Before he locked himself in the room for a year, though. That was a different sort of beast. Trunks, keep it coming, my fav
cat. _RED_ stuff
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"..loathsome laughing, mixed with such a cry as no man has heard save for in the phlegathon of unrelatable nightmares; a cry wherein reverberated the horror and anguish of a haunted lifetime packed into one atrocious moment..." |
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