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Old Mar 8th, 2007, 09:54 PM   #1
merylsilverburg
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Teardrop (story)

Okay, the title is a bit misleading. It's not really a "story" but it's something like that. I discovered a bunch of old floppy discs and decided to look through them and I found a few assignments I had to do for high school. This was one of them. For my English class in 2003, we were supposed to write a short story where we write from the perspective from an object's point of view.
I read it and thought it didn't sound so bad (better than what I can write now, believe me) although I don't write as well as other people here; but I decided to post it just for fun. *note: please excuse the horrible wording and long sentences and whatnot...my grammar wasn't that great back then, hehe*

-Teardrop-

I opened my eyes from my deep sleep only to see total darkness. Thinking it was still dark or early morning, I looked for my alarm clock next to me. But, I couldn't see it. I tried to look at my surroundings, but I was only able to see pitch black emptiness. I became confused immediately; this is not the environment that I'm used to. I tried to turn my head, but I couldn't feel it. Using my eyes to look around, I could only see a small opening below me, which made me think I was in a cave of some sort. Occasionally, I felt myself moving near the entrance, but as soon as I got there, the opening would shut off and I would return to my previous position. The opening would also reappear. Trying to reason if I was indeed in a cave and why I would be in one to begin with, I tried to move my arms and legs, but failed since it seemed I didn't have any. That's when I began to panic.

"What is this?! Where am I?!" I tried to move, tried to do anything to get myself to the bright opening. But I was immobile. Recalling what happened to me last, I remember speaking with my parents, doing my work, and then going to bed. Everything was a normal day yesterday. So, what's happening now?

"Help! Someone help!" I called out. Since there was no echo, the possibility that I was in a cave was banished immediately.

Just then, a surge of emotions flooded through me. I felt sorrow, anguish, anger...a sense of helplessness. It lasted only for a brief moment and as soon as those feelings went away, I felt myself expanding and moving toward the entrance. I still couldn't feel anything as I passed through the bright light. I was only happy that I was free from the darkness. However, as I passed through, I felt myself falling. I tried to hold onto anything that came my way, but the wall next to me was smooth and I didn't have any arms. After a few moments of panicking, I realized that I wasn't falling but instead...rolling. Somehow, I was gradually rolling next to the wall and making my way to the edge which ended abruptly, with nothing below except a brown surface which seemed a few feet away. In a desperate attempt to prevent myself from rolling off the edge, I opened my mouth and tried to bite the wall with my teeth. But, it was impossible. I couldn't bite into anything and I felt myself slip away and begin to fall onto the massive hard surface beneath me. As I went down, I closed my eyes and screamed.

I opened my eyes and felt a throbbing pain through my whole body. Still immobile, I looked up. It appeared I was laying on my back, so I looked to both sides of me. I saw a small flat clear dome to my right and the same shape to my left, only even smaller. I kept staring at the one to my right, trying to see if it was alive or an object. After a few minutes, I figured it was an item, since it hadn't moved once, so I focused my thoughts to recognizing what sort of object it was. The dome looked familiar; an object of everyday life it seemed.

"Maybe it's a ball...? Or is it glass?" The thinking put a tremendous strain on my head and made the pain in my body even worse, so I decided to rest and figure it out later. Unable to fight off the feeling of drowsiness, my eyelids slowly started to close and just as I was about to fall asleep, the object's shape appeared in my mind. I eyes flew over to the shape to my right and I realized it was not a ball or even glass...but a droplet of water. A large droplet of water. I couldn't understand why it was there or how a drop of water could be so huge.

Just as I looked up, I saw a dark shadow come over me and it started to drizzle. But the drops seemed too large to be rain. They were almost the size of meteors. So, what are they?

I saw one falling on me and I began to scream but the minute it touched me, I felt myself meld with it and increase. The feeling was soothing and the pain in my back seemed to disappear gradually. The drops continued to fall and though I was relieved about the pain, I became frightened as more and more drops kept falling. Telling myself to calm down, I focused my attention on the shadow, which seemed to be the cause of these tremendous drops of water. I looked up and identified what seemed to be....a face?

Yes, indeed, it was a face. The eyes were squeezed shut, the eyebrows were arched upward, the mouth was slightly opened which revealed gritting teeth. I inhaled sharply as I realized the face was sobbing and the large droplets were actually tears.

One by one, the tears kept falling over me and I slowly mixed with them. And that's when I realized what my fate will be the minute I evaporated into thin air...



That's it.
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Last edited by merylsilverburg; Mar 8th, 2007 at 09:57 PM..
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Old Mar 13th, 2007, 12:10 PM   #2
Hylas
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That was kind of sad

I like how you created the sense of helplessness. But tell me what are the memories made of? I mean... are these somebody else's real memories, are they imaginary memories, or actual memories of the "main character"? But in the last case, where do they come from? I think this main character isn't supposed to have them?
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Old Mar 21st, 2007, 01:53 AM   #3
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Thanks for the feedback Hylas! I know the story was sad but I wanted to do something different because everyone was all like "I'm gonna do a car!" or "I'm gonna do a bird!" - a bit boring, IMO.

Also, I couldn't help but laugh when I read your questions because I know this story isn't logical in any way, hehe. I wrote this rather quickly because we only had 1 day to do so (it was due the next day) so I just wrote it without working it out too much. All I knew was that I wanted the story to be sort of "mysterious" where the reader doesn't exactly know if the main character is real or something. So yes, the main character (the teardrop) shouldn't have the memories. But I suppose, for logic's sake, you can say the memories are imaginary or they belonged to the crying face...part of the emotional journey, I guess.

If I had to rewrite this, I would alter the beginning.

Thanks again for commenting.
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"Grim Reaper, you could not get the women? What was the problem? Didn't you reap them with your grim reaping equipment?"

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Old Mar 27th, 2007, 12:45 PM   #4
Pu the Owl
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At first it reminded me of the movie Haze. But it was only in the premises and the first part of it. I think you should not alter it much. I liked that claustrophobic feel. BTW, it's a quite unique depiction of an object's life.

Sorry if it sounds a stupid question, but I would like to know if there's a particular reason behind your choice for the assignment or the fact of picking a teardrop just as your subject wasn't something you had to think about for a long time. According to your second post, it was a quick piece of work, so maybe you just decided to choose the first thing that seemed original and appealing enough.
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Old Apr 1st, 2007, 12:36 PM   #5
Hylas
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Uh, sorry if my questions seemed a little silly
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Old Apr 30th, 2007, 06:20 AM   #6
merylsilverburg
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Panuru
At first it reminded me of the movie Haze. But it was only in the premises and the first part of it. I think you should not alter it much. I liked that claustrophobic feel. BTW, it's a quite unique depiction of an object's life.
First off, sorry for the late reply. ^^;;;

That movie does sound interesting and very similar with the story I wrote. But I think the movie's beginning sounds a bit more frightening than mine but that could just be me.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Panuru
Sorry if it sounds a stupid question, but I would like to know if there's a particular reason behind your choice for the assignment or the fact of picking a teardrop just as your subject wasn't something you had to think about for a long time. According to your second post, it was a quick piece of work, so maybe you just decided to choose the first thing that seemed original and appealing enough.
It's not a stupid question at all! I didn't really have a reason for choosing a teardrop...somehow it just came to me while sitting in class right after my teacher had announced this assignment. While he was talking away and answering other student's questions, I just sat there and a teardrop came to my mind. It really seemed like something interesting and something that people wouldn't normally do, so I decided to go for it. I even asked my teacher after class if it was alright to do absolutely anything and he said 'yes.'

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hylas
Uh, sorry if my questions seemed a little silly
Oh no, I think you misinterpreted what I meant when I said I laughed at your questions! I didn't mean that your questions were silly so I laughed but because I understood your need to ask so many questions because my story is really illogical. I hope that was clearer.
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"You're a louse Roger Smith" ~ R. Dorothy Wayneright

"Have a little priest" ~ Mrs. Lovett

"Grim Reaper, you could not get the women? What was the problem? Didn't you reap them with your grim reaping equipment?"

"I tried that but the women, they all know hopscotch" ~ Eddie Izzard


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