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[Hylas]

There have been many debates and still this seems a problem without solutions, maybe because both options are equally valid.

Better being over appearing or appearing over being? Which is your choice?

Common sense tells you being is good while appearing is wrong, but I think only hypocrites can say it without further and logical explanations for this position. The fact is: whoever says appearing is more important is labeled as vain or completely stupid. I don't think appearance is a completely seconday matter, especially nowadays. Appearance is what makes you feel you may like a person or not, and it influences a lot relations. Deciding you want to be appreciated and accepted is crucial, mainly because if society is superficial, you are told you have to act in a certain way to find your proper place. And besides, where does appearing end and being start? It is not so clear.

[Pu the Owl]

Whoever says appearing is a secondary matter is ignorant and superficial. I'm not one of these persons who think appearing and being are not connected in any way. I do believe they are connected and you choose to appear according to your ego. It can be a relation of contrast or not among the two, but denial regarding the fact they're two almost equally important aspects of your person is wrong. Obviously, many other things are connected to this mechanism as well: first of all external influences.

[IcyMourdor]

I always try to live by being over appearing. Granted, I can be a little vain at times, nothing to get all worked up about.

I always figured that for some people, it is more important about who you are than what you look like. Only chance I'll have have with a woman.

Seriously though, no one can say that they want to appear good to others, but don't compromise who you are for it.

[Rei]

Appearing must support being, not the opposite. There must be a balance among them. Problem is more often people decide to take care of appearance and then shape themselves on it.

[Cannibal Clown]

I am a person of being, my pesonality, and the person i am seems to always over come the way i appear.

The problem i have witrh this is, i'd rather be a person or appearance, because no matter how hard i try to be a person of appearnce, my being always gets the best of me, and in the end my true self always makes its way into the open, but i don't like my true self, and if i could, i'd rather be a person of appearance at all times.

[kupoartist]

Sure there must be a balance between the two... and as this is pretty much what everyone is saying anyway, I'll just add that I think that this particular fact of life is just... crap.

And perhaps that a fair bit of its crapness is down to society and its inability to resist putting too much weight on the value of appearance. Or perhaps i've missed the point entirely. Hell, I make a living out of being confused... or I will do oneday

On a personal level, i'd say that I consider myself completely at odds between my own appearance and my own conception of what make "me" me. The reason is that I live in my own head too much, because i'm too scared by the reality. Perhaps thats a lesson for everyone or somthing.

[Black Heart]

I agree. There must be a balance. I don't trust those who say they're all for being and they don't care about appearing at all. And I don't trust those who seem to only be interested in their appearance. I think anybody who's somewhat sane in the depth of their heart care for both aspects, even if they deny it. Someone gives a bit more importance to one fot these aspects, but, even if not consciously, doing so they affect the other one as well.