Dreams

ToxicUK · Apr 23rd, 2003, 10:31 AM

It was night time. Thats all i knew... lying there, drifting so helplessly. It started as a nice life with a wife and two kids the way most good dreams start. But then, as many of you know, dreams have a terrible habit of going bad. At the beginning I had a cushy office job, a Mercedes and a £100,000 house in the quiet countryside of the East Midlands. Life was good - until...

Let me know what you think
AND I WANT YOU TO BE TRUTHFUL
If its bad, its bad and thats all i wanna know
I just wanna know if its worth continuing...

Cheers

Pu the Owl · Apr 25th, 2003, 07:27 PM

I don't think we can give an opinion only reading these few lines...

ToxicUK · Apr 26th, 2003, 02:44 PM

Yea but thats kinda how my storys work.. I leave a cliffhanger right at tghe beginning just to see if those first few lines would have got you interested in the stroy.

Pu the Owl · Apr 27th, 2003, 01:52 AM

To interest more the reader, you should post at least 15 lines

jk
But really, it's not easy to be interested from few lines that don't quite explain anything about the story... this seemed to me, at the beginning, one of those "continue the story" threads, if you get my point.

ToxicUK · Apr 29th, 2003, 03:02 PM

OK, OK il get to work on it. Please give me a few days cos im really busy sorting out a new sig. Cos my old one is too boring now.

Faile · Apr 30th, 2003, 06:18 PM

probably not best to post until you have a little more.

mark0™ · Apr 30th, 2003, 07:10 PM

Your cliffhanger is pretty vague, I mean you could put nearly anything there. I Feel if you are writing a good story you get really involved with it and continue to write and write, not paying attention to how much you've wrote. So try put some more in there.

ToxicUK · May 1st, 2003, 01:47 PM

OK this is the last straw... im outta here. Everywhere I turn today im just getting kicked up. Seeya

(P.S. its ok to have that good riddance party now)

mark0™ · May 1st, 2003, 02:10 PM

Wow its just criticism, if you cant stand it and expect only praise for what you do thne your wrong. Its not a personal attack, so dont get all moody about it.

ToxicUK · May 1st, 2003, 02:32 PM

Its not that... I can handle the criticisim and I dont just expect praise cos its just rubbish anyways. Its the fact that everything I do here turns out to be wrong.

Faile · May 1st, 2003, 02:38 PM

dude, if you post here its to get comments. you only got advice. if you want attention I'll get an admin to delete your account, if not please do not argue with people. nobody is getting at you, take it easy okay ?

closing this now.

Apr 23rd, 2003, 10:31 AM	#1
ToxicUK Pressure=Crumbling Joined: Dec 2002 Location: UK Age: 43 Posts: 326	Dreams It was night time. Thats all i knew... lying there, drifting so helplessly. It started as a nice life with a wife and two kids the way most good dreams start. But then, as many of you know, dreams have a terrible habit of going bad. At the beginning I had a cushy office job, a Mercedes and a £100,000 house in the quiet countryside of the East Midlands. Life was good - until... Let me know what you think AND I WANT YOU TO BE TRUTHFUL If its bad, its bad and thats all i wanna know I just wanna know if its worth continuing... Cheers __________________ Toxic - Force The World To Crumble

Apr 26th, 2003, 02:44 PM	#3
ToxicUK Pressure=Crumbling Joined: Dec 2002 Location: UK Age: 43 Posts: 326	Yea but thats kinda how my storys work.. I leave a cliffhanger right at tghe beginning just to see if those first few lines would have got you interested in the stroy. __________________ Toxic - Force The World To Crumble

Apr 29th, 2003, 03:02 PM	#5
ToxicUK Pressure=Crumbling Joined: Dec 2002 Location: UK Age: 43 Posts: 326	OK, OK il get to work on it. Please give me a few days cos im really busy sorting out a new sig. Cos my old one is too boring now. __________________ Toxic - Force The World To Crumble

Apr 30th, 2003, 06:18 PM	#6
Faile ys. Joined: Jan 2002 Location: ex-ex-exeter, disunited kingdom Age: 40 Posts: 1,137	probably not best to post until you have a little more. __________________ www.catherineandtheowl.com purr. miaow. hiss.

May 1st, 2003, 01:47 PM	#8
ToxicUK Pressure=Crumbling Joined: Dec 2002 Location: UK Age: 43 Posts: 326	OK this is the last straw... im outta here. Everywhere I turn today im just getting kicked up. Seeya (P.S. its ok to have that good riddance party now) __________________ Toxic - Force The World To Crumble

	PsFantasy.com Forums » General Forums » Creativity Forum
Dreams

Apr 25th, 2003, 07:27 PM	#2
Pu the Owl Useless Oracle™ Joined: Jan 2002 Location: Everywhere Posts: 5,136	I don't think we can give an opinion only reading these few lines...

Apr 27th, 2003, 01:52 AM	#4
Pu the Owl Useless Oracle™ Joined: Jan 2002 Location: Everywhere Posts: 5,136	To interest more the reader, you should post at least 15 lines jk But really, it's not easy to be interested from few lines that don't quite explain anything about the story... this seemed to me, at the beginning, one of those "continue the story" threads, if you get my point.

Apr 30th, 2003, 07:10 PM	#7
mark0™ Extinct. Joined: Nov 2002 Age: 37 Posts: 1,185	Your cliffhanger is pretty vague, I mean you could put nearly anything there. I Feel if you are writing a good story you get really involved with it and continue to write and write, not paying attention to how much you've wrote. So try put some more in there.

May 1st, 2003, 02:10 PM	#9
mark0™ Extinct. Joined: Nov 2002 Age: 37 Posts: 1,185	Wow its just criticism, if you cant stand it and expect only praise for what you do thne your wrong. Its not a personal attack, so dont get all moody about it.

May 1st, 2003, 02:32 PM	#10
ToxicUK Pressure=Crumbling Joined: Dec 2002 Location: UK Age: 43 Posts: 326	Its not that... I can handle the criticisim and I dont just expect praise cos its just rubbish anyways. Its the fact that everything I do here turns out to be wrong. __________________ Toxic - Force The World To Crumble

May 1st, 2003, 02:38 PM	#11
Faile ys. Joined: Jan 2002 Location: ex-ex-exeter, disunited kingdom Age: 40 Posts: 1,137	dude, if you post here its to get comments. you only got advice. if you want attention I'll get an admin to delete your account, if not please do not argue with people. nobody is getting at you, take it easy okay ? closing this now. __________________ www.catherineandtheowl.com purr. miaow. hiss.

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