»

[happy_doughnut]

I was speaking to a good friend of mine last night about my never-ending boy problems, and she said something that struck me:

"In a relationship, there is always one who takes advantage of the other."

Then, I remembered meryl once saying that there is always someone in a relationship that tries to excert more control over the other, than the other person.

And I was just thinking right now... are these things true?

Personally, I didn't really agree with what my friend said last night, but alas, I was too blue to argue. But really, I don't think that the term necessarily has to be "take advantage." I think that if you go into a relationship with that mindset-that either you are going to have to take advantage of the other or risk being the one taken advantage of-the relationship will certainly go nowhere fast.

I think it is more like meryl said. I agree that in a relationship, there usually is that more dominant someone. The one that is a bit or a lot more pushy, bossy, demanding, etc. However, I don't think that this means they are doing this to "take advantage," but because there is someone like that in every relationship, to a certain point.

I don't know. I simply don't think relationships are all about who's going to take advantage of who. I guess I just don't think all this "power" stuff should be all that important.

Personally, I know that I am a very docile person. I don't like to fight, argue, dispute... nothing. Heck, I don't even get angry much. I may get frustruated for a little while, but it passes within a few minutes; I'm just not the type of person to hold a grudge over days without end. I am the typical sit-there-and-take-it-until-the-other-person-calms-down-enough-to-have-a-civilized-converstation-about-it type of person.

I just am not confrontational at all. Some people say this is great because it shows I have a lot of patience, and other, like my aforemention friend, thinks it's just stupidity on my part. For her, I am the one that gets taken advantage of.

Who knows? Not I! Do you? What do you think? Do you think relationships are all about who exerts the most amount of power on the other? Where do you draw the line between being independent and able to speak up and being domineering? Where do you draw the line between being patient and logical and being a push-over and foolish?

Oh, relationships! Wonderful when they are working, distressing when they are not.

*mena goes back to being curled up in the fetal position while her life remains on hold.*

[DSgamer]

hmm i think there is always someone more dominant in a relationship, it doesnt mean that relationships are all about the who exerts the most power. I'm usualy a dominant person when the situation calls for it and usualy not in a bad way, im only dominant when i dont want my gf to do something stupid like getting drunk with someone i know would try to take advantage of her or something, in a relationship noone should be taken advantage of, that's what 1 night stands are for

[dan da man]

I just split up with my g/f, all I know I will never trust women agian!!!!!!

[IcyMourdor]

Actually, I just started a new relationship with my new gf, Sarah, about a month ago. So far in this current one, it seems that we are pretty much equal when it comes to control and dominance. There are times when I take control in situations and then there are times I just become the little puppy dog and she takes control.

However, that wasn't always the case. I have had experiences in which I learned that you need to be equal with that in order to be happy.

Case #1: High School Sweethearts

This was back in my senior year of high school. We were friends for about 1 1/2 - 2 years before we started dating. She seemed like a shy person and would be great. It was at first, than I learned. She started to open up with me, which by all means is a great thing, but the person she turned out to be wasn't one I could be with. She would demand all of my free time that I had. I didn't have much. With school, football, and my part-time job, it was hard for me to be able to do that. I would go to school, have practice right after school til 6pm, work until 10-11pm, and then she still wanted me to come over. If I had a day off of work, she would instantly nab me and say we were hanging out. I thought it was cute at first, but when 8 months go by and it hasn't changed, it wasn't good. She would always be the one to decide what was going to be happening and when. I have never met such a controlling woman in my life.


Case #2: Best Friend turned Girlfriend

In a way, this is similiar to the first case. She would always want to spend time together, which is great. However, she was completely willing to be controlled. If I wanted to take advantage and use to for my own will, I probably could have and just left her standing there to obey my commands. I don't want that in a woman. I need some backbone to keep me in line. I am a dork after all.

She is still probably one of my best friends, however, with all her other relationships that I have seen over the past year, things haven't changed, but the guys certainly have been a little more anxious to take advantage of her nature.

In my short 19 years that I have lived, I have learned a couple things about relationships.

-You need to be able to compromise. A relationship is only that if both sides are happy. Find a middle point in which both of you can be happy.
-Be equal. Don't let one side have more control than another. If you feel smothered, say so. Only after something is said will anything change, hopefully for the better.
-Of course, be caring and loving. This person that you are with, your so-called significant other, may be the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with as your husband/wife. You don't want to mess things up and end up without that complete happiness that everyone deserves.

Most of all, be yourself. If something bothers you, change it. No point in being in a relationship if you aren't happy. If something about you turns them off, oh well, he/she isn't the one for you.

Good luck to you and your soul mates.

[Infernal Mass]

yea, boundries need to be established..it can be a gradual process or a really quick one. That all depends on the people involved in the relationship.

I don't believe that stuff about mena being all passive though, i bet she beats her boy-slave all the time. Probably tells him to do stuff just to see him do it..mena will be like "I'm hungry go get me something to eat!". Then the poor guy comes back with some food and mena's all "I'm not even hungry anymore!"

[goodman]

Word up ^^^^^^^^^^

[happy_doughnut]

Yar! I am back! I finally got a new PC. The old one I had gave me too many problems... so I got a new one. It's a small-ish notebook computer. Yay! It's wide screen so now I can watch Sailormoon whenever and wherever I want, like Infernal's house.

Originally Posted by Infernal Mass

I don't believe that stuff about mena being all passive though, i bet she beats her boy-slave all the time. Probably tells him to do stuff just to see him do it..mena will be like "I'm hungry go get me something to eat!". Then the poor guy comes back with some food and mena's all "I'm not even hungry anymore!"

Look, infidel, I told you that what happened between us wa supposed to remain a secret! A secret! But now here you are blabbing about how I used o treat you. Ugh. While you're at it, why don't you tell them that you used to get all angry and violent over the phone when I baked you animal cookies and the little cow ones wouldn't come out right. Why don't you bring that up, huh!

I'm hungry. Go get me something to eat!

*Ahem* I do agree with the first part of the infidel's post, though. Rules, boundries, agreements, ect. need to be established so that one person doesn't end up falling victim from the other. But unfortunately, some of us don't realize that this sort of behavior-treating your partner in a mean fashion just because-is wrong until it is too late.

I know I didn't see it, so I did nothing to stop it. And as a result of that, everything has gone down the drain.

Oh, how hard these things are! Thankfully I am better now... I'd say I'm about 75% back. ^^

[DSgamer]

75 percent is not enough!!! u gota b 100 for us!

[Infernal Mass]

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

Look, infidel, I told you that what happened between us wa supposed to remain a secret! A secret! But now here you are blabbing about how I used to treat you.

yes, i remember everything mena. The beatings, the videos, the cosplay...but you did pay me good money so i ain't complaining or anything.

[Phenom]

LOL..... Y'all are some wild people. (Cosplay!!! =o)

Then, I remembered meryl once saying that there is always someone in a relationship that tries to excert more control over the other, than the other person.

This is probably true, and if it is I haven't seen it yet. I look at my mom and dad.... "shrugs" they both bitch alot so.... "shrugs" Guess it's equal or something of that sort.

Old flame of mine never tried to exert any control because I'm too crazy in the head to try to tame. =D But for real, she never tried controlling me, nor have I tried anything. I'm too mellow, silent, and some word I'm looking for that I can't think of at the moment. (Women actually fall for guys like that?...) for all that. (Although I do have a limit)

Edit: Loner (there we go. The word I was looking for )

Personally, I know that I am a very docile person. I don't like to fight, argue, dispute... nothing. Heck, I don't even get angry much. I may get frustruated for a little while, but it passes within a few minutes; I'm just not the type of person to hold a grudge over days without end. I am the typical sit-there-and-take-it-until-the-other-person-calms-down-enough-to-have-a-civilized-converstation-about-it type of person.

I can say I'm just about the same as you. Except for one thing. I have a little breaking point where I will toss anyone's ass out a window if pushed to that point. =D

Do you think relationships are all about who exerts the most amount of power on the other?

"shrugs" Errr..... I don't believe it has anything to do with power. I just think it's about 2 f00's falling for each other because they say "it's love" j/k I don't know what to think.

Where do you draw the line between being independent and able to speak up and being domineering?

I don't know. lol. I'll always say whatever is on my mind. Being domineering though... I don't know. I always thought that scared people away. So I just don't.

Where do you draw the line between being patient and logical and being a push-over and foolish?

I'm always patient. Logical.... sometimes, other times I just think whatever cuz most of the times I don't care. I don't care who the person is. They can try to push me over if they want to. =p

*mena goes back to being curled up in the fetal position while her life remains on hold.*

Abort the fetal position.

LOL. Alot of crazy thoughts goes through my mind so don't mind me.