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[Redpyramidhead]

Sorry for my momentary hiatus this past week everybody. I've still been coming and reading the forums and news and stuff when I could, even though I've been busy-ish.

I ran into this girl who was a friend of mine in high school last saturday. She still just as cute as she was back then....damn. I thought I'd never see her again. I was so pleasantly surprised and I had been thinking of her lately. Hmmm. Well, I think I just want to be friends with her right now. SHe makes a great friend because of her good heart and sense of humor. Hopefully, we'll be able to catch up. WE haven't hung out yet. Thoughts of her are dancing through my head quite wildly, though. *sigh* something about her makes my heart feel warm...

I've had so many freaking doctor's appointments and a lot of driving has been invoved with them let me tell you. Also I'm practicing my guitart like a madman lately. Or will be atleast. I'm almost to that state. Taking up my guitar again as given me new direction and purpose on top of everything else.

I'm writing, too. Hope I can stick with it. Sometimes I get mental blocks and they almost do me in, but lately I keep coming back. Or trying.

If I'm not too scared of doing so, I'm gonna try and draw a character for Gadzoox to "animate" for me. Approaching my artwork has scared me in the past couple years...such a daunting task and a seemingly insurmountable mountain. Why can't I just scribble something for God's sake?

You know what's so frustrating. Let me share a little something about me. I have all this creativity in my head and all this potential to create for the world to see and for myself to be proud of, but I can't get it out of my head and onto paper both literally and figuratively. This goes for music, artwork, writing, etc. All the things I have such creative ideas for. I don't want to sound arrogant, but I feel if it weren't for this disability of mine to turn things into reality, people would be able to see me as a bit of a creative genius. I lay in bed at night thinking of all this possible compositions in music and all this musical theory and playing with the ideas of sounds and i can hear it and somehow visualize shapes and patterns that represent it in my head...it's all right there, but wtf I can't motivate myself to learn how to get it outside my head and turn it into something physical. It all scares the hell out of me.

Does any of this make any sense to you guyz? I ask those of you who struggle with their own creativity if they've ever had a similar sounding problem as mine and if they've overcome it somehow.

The problem is...In my life....I feel as though I haven't finished much of anything I've started since high school. I graduated high school, but since then I haven't done anything I can be extraordinarily proud of and I feel like I'm running out of time to do something like that so I don't end up in this cycle for the rest of my life or another 3 years atleast. I'm sick of it. I want to progress in life.

Anyways, PEACE to you all.

_RED_ stuff

[Berserker]

Also I'm practicing my guitart like a madman lately. Or will be atleast. I'm almost to that state.

I'm trying to bring back the spirit also, but I just don't seem to have the time and inspiration to do it

I ran into this girl who was a friend of mine in high school last saturday. She still just as cute as she was back then....damn. I thought I'd never see her again. I was so pleasantly surprised and I had been thinking of her lately. Hmmm. Well, I think I just want to be friends with her right now. SHe makes a great friend because of her good heart and sense of humor. Hopefully, we'll be able to catch up. WE haven't hung out yet. Thoughts of her are dancing through my head quite wildly, though. *sigh* something about her makes my heart feel warm..

Hmmm, love is in the air...just friends huh....lol.
Go for it dude, good luck!!!

*hands the emporio cologne*

[DSgamer]

all right red, go get 'er man

[Redpyramidhead]

Originally posted by gamer

all right red, go get 'er man

No offense, but did you read any of the rest of the post? It's not about just that...I put a lot of effort into trying to ask for comments about some other things. People have come to this forum before with their problems or dilemma's and I figured somebody might have some advice or something to offer. But, it doesn't matter I suppose.

_RED_ stuff

[Beretta55]

Hmmmmmmmmmm well im not a witty man or gives good advice alot
but i know how you feel......i mean i have made up alot of songs in my head just out of pure random. but when i try to make up song lyrics.......nothing comes out as all nothing goes the way as i pictured it in my head. same goes for drawing and artwork......im not a good artist but i have had some ideas slump about and tried but i was resulted with nothing pretty much. but the thing that i found odd....is when my mind is free not thinking of anything i actully doing a better job of what the hell im doing in the first place and i have also made up stories based off videogames and movies.....but they dont pan out as what i wanted them too. but all i can say is......when you do what your doing dont just keep ramming the idea into your head just let it.....flow so to speak. just relax and let your mind go free and the like...........yeah if i suck at this dont hesitate to tell me man

and as for the girl.......well thats not my department really.
but as i said im not too good with advice

[Pu the Owl]

Well Red, some lines of your post sound a lot like me, or like what I say in similar occasions. Especially the creativity and the "I haven't finished anything since high school" part of it.

I have too the feeling I haven't done much since then. I had many expectations regarding University, but that wasn't what I was expecting. At all. It appeared to me as just some other wasted years of education you have to face in order to get a piece of paper which tells what you can do of your life. But in reality, I'm more confused about it than ever. Before, at least I had the frail certainty that finishing high school I would have more perspectives. But frankly, 4 years have passed and I don't see this happening yet. I know I'm not in control of my time, which makes me feel even more ashamed for wasting it without having a clue. It's a continuous procrastination, a continuous repetition of words as "I'll do it tomorrow, I'll think about it tomorrow, I have time for it tomorrow", which not only doesn't solve the problem, but if possible, makes the situation even worse, since this attitude only increases the amount of time already wasted.

And regarding creativity, I could be misunderstanding what you wanted to say, but that is one of the most frustrating things in the world: having some kind of "idea", in the most phylosophical term of the word, then being unable to use a medium (paper, digital support or whatever you can think of) to have it portrayed for the eye, the ear etc. There's a sort of gap between the part of the brain where the idea starts to be and the media, which I'm not able to fill. And whenever this gap seems to disapperar, the result is not what I wanted it to look like. There's always some detail missing in the picture, but as far as I know, I can't even tell which detail I should be adding or changing or deleting. I feel betrayed by my own perceptions and by by own skills, if I can call them like that. I don't call myself "creative genius" though, maybe because I don't think I am, maybe for the reasons mentioned above I don't see myself as creative at all.

You say you are, but be careful, because if you start considering yourself as a genius but you find yourself blocked to express your creativity, you'll face a lot of disappointments and frustrations and the more you'll try to convince you still are that genius, the more you'll be unable to prove it. The only suggestion is try to not have in mind the fixed idea you have to create something before you create it. Just think about other things, start other activities, and probably your head will be grateful enough to come back with something interesting for your creativity too.

[dan da man]

The high school bit sounds really good, I've always image of that happening, well I bet it does some time, somewhere, everyone gets busy Redpyramidhead, so if you're not on as much every one knows, it just life, I have plenty of spare time, and so flaming bored so I just go on my games and surf the internet, time consuming! To progress in your life, is too FOCUS, pick one thing you might have a talent in, and focus at it, even if you dont have a telent it is still good to progress, I would say it can take years to progress, so yeah FOCUS and take up a hobby/talent, and dont say you aint got a talent, becuase everyone has one, some peoples are deeper to find!

[Hylas]

We all have times in which we are busy and yet we don't know very well what to do with ourselves. I do believe you'll see things in clearer terms once this period has passed and you feel more serene. Keepin' yourself busy you're doing the right thing IMO.

[Reid]

I think it's a really common problem amoung artists, getting their creativity from the form of idea to some sort of medium.

The best way to combat this I think may be to do what you're already doing; practice your craft.

Learn as much as you possibly can about music, writing and visual art in order to be able to express yourself in them more freely. It sounds a bit stiff but the more you know about the technical the easier time you might have being able to get your creativity across in a physical form.

Also, it's a lot about relaxation though. At least for myself when I can forget about so much pleasing others and even me and just engage in art for art's sake I can produce things that are often much more beautiful.

Playing an instrument loosely or writing and painting, sketching, sculpting, etc. with a great flow can get tons of ideas out then you can always revisit them with greater scrutiny and mould them into something more than they were before.

It's just like jamming with another person/people or on your own can result in some fantastic songs coming out. Accidently getting a terrific riff out of just experimenting then going back and refining that, adding to it, structuring it and adding to it can lead to a whole song and the same goes for sketching out vague ideas or free flow writing where you forget about being cohesive and just let go with anything at all that comes to mind.

And about the girl - I'd just take the course of playing it by ear. Keep hanging out with her as a friend if you enjoy it as that and just see what happens and go with it if you're willing to.



Hope any of that helps.

[Redpyramidhead]

You guys have been really helpful. A lot of these things I have thought about before, but when somebody else says it and puts it in perspective and also shares things I didn't think of...well it's very helpful. Fortune, you have no idea how similar we are! It's kinda scary! People tell me not to worry cuz there are people in the same situation as me and/or they were once in a similar one themselves but to actually hear it from somebody who is dealing with it right now goes a lot further. Reid, your ideas in taking my creative approach to things in a more relaxed way are very helpful. It helps to not be so uptight when creating. Thinking it in your mind is definately one thing, and putting it to "reality" is definately another. Very hard to bridge the gap between the two.

I worry sometimes that if I can't I will start living in a fantasy world in my mind and convince myself it's just as real as what's outside my mind. Who says whats created on the outside of one's imagination is anymore important thant what's created on the inside? See, now I'm sounding like H.P. Lovecraft whose work I admire very much, but atleast he was able to create and share for everyone and make his mark on the real world. Almost didn't happen, of course.

Ok, that last paragraph was my rant for the day. Apparently, I'm not bridging the creative gap enough to make a longer and more interesting rant today. My poor mind

_RED_ stuff

[Pu the Owl]

The "low-quality" rant means at least today you're in a better mood than before, which is very helpful to not completely be obsessed with problems. When you have a problem, even if others say it's common, stupid, banal etc... and you can only think about it, you can be sure you'll never be able to find a decent solution. This doesn't mean a solution is easy to find for "cheerful" people Just that being rational is impossible when your mood is gloomy and when you feel nobody's listening just because of the "Oh yes, I had this problem before, don't worry". That's a bit irritating, to tell the truth.

And having a fantasy world sometimes is more helpful than you can imagine to have a personal and effective interpretation of the outside world too. You mentioned Lovecraft, and in fact his imagery is an excellent key to approach reality sometimes, which nobody considers very often since he's labeled as fantasy author

[Redpyramidhead]

Which were you referring to as being a bit irritating? I was a littl confused about that part.

Other than that, thanks. Yes, I will be in a better mood later, but today I have generally been in a worse mood than when I began this thread. That was before I read the replies tonight, though. They have been helpful, as I said before.

You are right about the fantasy worlds that Lovecraft built being a good example of something that could actually be beneficial. Helps you keep creative in hard times and reminds you what you are worth.

I was referring to this fear of mine that I would become like one of his bed-ridden characters feeling hopeless save for what he could do in his head to entertain himself. LOL, of course that won't happen, but I wonder sometimes

I am making lots of progress in my life right now compared to only a few months ago I should mention. What makes it hard never goes away, though, and that's why it's important to share notes with people on how to deal with life. That's one great thing about the general chat forum here at PS2Fantasy.com

_RED_ stuff

[Pu the Owl]

Which were you referring to as being a bit irritating? I was a littl confused about that part.

I know that part of the post wasn't probably really clear. I was referring to the fact when you have something going wrong there's always someone around that instead of telling you anything useful, just says he used to be in the same situation years or centuries before
This happens whatever you say: if your problem is the one we're talking about in this thread, they have had it. If it's you're growing green beard for some odd reason, they have had it as well. So basically, I suppose it's a sort of default answer you got when they've got nothing better to say. But as you see, we have answers here; maybe we're more creative or we have more time to waste

And about being like a Lovecraft's bed-ridden character... they were somewhat autobiographical, or so it seems. Also in that case you two have something in common

[Hylas]

Originally posted by Redpyramidhead
Other than that, thanks. Yes, I will be in a better mood later, but today I have generally been in a worse mood than when I began this thread. That was before I read the replies tonight, though. They have been helpful, as I said before.

You had to come earlier and read the replies, or post another rant. Next time think about it, just to make your mood better before going to bed

But anyway, you're still writing stuff, right? I've seen you have posted something in Fan Fiction forum. This means, considering that probably isn't the only work you've written lately, you still are able to write. I have seen people who said they were blocked, and they really were, meaning they couldn't do anything, for months. Just keep on writing, even if you don't always like the result. It helps your brain a lot to not grow cobwebs, lol