»

[kamari-ice]

Ohh..your feeling down. You think that your life is running into a brick wall at 90km per hour. Your mad and crazy because your loved one left you with just a rocker not a craddle. Or, is just someone putting you near the tip of your flame. If so, post it here. Let your emotions run wild.

[MADRUCKIS]

I'm mad

its the first three letters of my name
<------------------see

but um, yea
just kinda feel like the world is filled with worthless idiots who like toying with me. First telling me to let my imagination work on paper-no matter how disturbing, how ridiculous
and then reading my stuff and telling me its too disturbing and that I should look into "turning down the violent images"

I'm considering writing those people into my book and having them get their skulls cracked open with a sledgehammer...or I could just tell em to let me do my work

which one? which one?

[Redpyramidhead]

Originally Posted by MADRUCKIS

I'm mad

its the first three letters of my name
<------------------see

but um, yea
just kinda feel like the world is filled with worthless idiots who like toying with me. First telling me to let my imagination work on paper-no matter how disturbing, how ridiculous
and then reading my stuff and telling me its too disturbing and that I should look into "turning down the violent images"

I'm considering writing those people into my book and having them get their skulls cracked open with a sledgehammer...or I could just tell em to let me do my work

which one? which one?

May I suggest doing both?

_RED_ stuff

[merylsilverburg]

That makes the two of us, MAD...yes, I'm mad too (by the way, that really would piss me off too if someone had told me to just let go and write whatever I want only to tell me later that I should think about "toning down the violent imagery"...ugh...)

I'm mad mostly because of work-related irritations, but still makes me angry nonetheless.

Like, oh, this situation for example:

There's this group of Asians who come in. One of the guys orders first and I take this guy's order and hand back his change. I happen to have the new 2005 Minnesota quarters in my register and when I handed back his change, he saw it and showed his friend, whom I'm guessing, is fanatical about coin collecting. After looking at it, the fanatic gets this glaze/shine in his eyes and looks at me and says "After you take my order I would like to get quarters, okay?" Sure, no problem I thought to myself. Only here's the problem: this guy refuses to place his order with me only because I don't speak Mandarin. He places the order with my mom. My mom runs up to me and, instead of speaking to me in Taiwanese which I understand and she knows I do, she says to me in broken English, "He wants to order "House Beef" (Now before anyone reading this gets confused, she says "House Beef" only because, at the moment, she forgotten how to say "steak" so she says "House Beef" when she really meant to say "House Steak" which is our special dish that night. Now, we have another item on the menu that's called "House Special" but it's a soup with beef and most people say to me "House Special" when they want to order that dish. So, I thought my mom forgotten how to say "special" so when she say "beef" I thought she meant the "House Special" dish). So, I write down "House Beef" and charge the guy. Now, if he weren't such a dumbass or being so infactuated with getting his new 2005 quarter, he could've, oh I dunno, paid more attention to the price difference (the steak costs $7.99 and the special costs only $6.50) and oh, maybe just ordered from me in English. But no....after he gets his dish, all the while checking out his new quarter still...he comes ups a few moments later and asks my mom in his annoying meek voice (when he really isn't like that) "Um...is...that my steak that I ordered?" and my mom goes "Wait...that's not the steak you ordered?" and he goes "Uh...well...no...not exactly...I got this weird soup thing...I wanted steak" and my mom goes "Ohh...my daughter (me) must've heard it wrong"
Oh well, gee, thanks mom...so you can imagine the irritated glare I received from the guy after my mother said that. Now before any of you are ready to defend this guy saying stuff like "Oh, maybe he just doesn't know how to speak English that well" and all that, this guy speaks English just fine...because the chick he's desperately is trying to hook up with was ordering in English and he goes on and interrupts with "Don't forget, this place only takes cash, geez, I don't know a place where they don't accept credit card, that is just so stupid." Hmm...if you don't speak English that well, I don't think a person can spew out "stupid" and "geez" and any of the other words in a perfect English context.

So, the poor guy had to suffer with the wrong order and continues to glare and roll his eyes at me the whole entire time he was dining. What a night, not to mention the fact there were other annoying situations that I don't care to mention nor relive. This one just pissed me off.

[happy_doughnut]

Mhm. I feel ya, meryl. Trust me... I feel ya... *sigh*

Well, it's my turn. Gah. I'm so aggravated right now! Everything sucks. Seriously.

Today must have been one of the worse days I've had in a long while:

It all started yesterday when I got into an argument with my dad. Now, admittedly, I'm not much of an "arguer" or anything. I'm not even that temperamental or have a "bad attitude." No... most of the time I try to be as mellow as I can be, but yesterday... oh, boy! I was already feeling shitty at school because I was sick and it was raining. Apparently though, I had a fever so I was all hot even though it was rainy and breezy. My dad goes to pick me up and my mom calls and asks me to go pick up some stuff at a store, so I tell my dad. On the way he asks what store I want to go to and I say that it doesn't matter; any grocery store will do. But could he have said, "Ok, we'll go to one closer to home"? Noooo. He made such a big deal about me not naming the store and not being clear and blah, blah, blah. I mean! Ahhhh! I got pissed and just said, "Oh, whatever. Just stop wherever you want to." And then I got blammed for being rude and blah, blah, blah. Ugh.

Oh, but did I tell you why I was being so "agressive" towards my dad? Well, because tomorrow I was supposed to go out somewhere important. IMPORTANT. And he had promised me he would be here to go drop me off and pick me up at the end. All was set. But nope. Yesterday, oh-so-casually, he just said, "Oh, hey. I have to work so I can't take you. Tell your brother or something, okay?" Or something? Wtf man! It makes me so mad because he always does this to me. Every time I ask him to be somewhere for me, he can never make it because "he has to work." And whenever I tell him he says, "Well, if I don't work, then you can't wear those pretty little clothes you like to wear." Omg. That hurts, guys. It's as if he thinks that just because he works and "gives me money" that it replaces or betters the fact that he is never there. Never. Birthdays, banquets, celebrations, hell, graduations... nothing. All the freaking clothes in the world don't amount to half of the value I've never received from him.

And the today... well, I asked my brother to take me to the mall because I needed to exchange something. So I go. I grab the skirt I'm going to exchange it for... same skirt, just different size - no big deal, right? Wrong! When I go up to the register, some f*cker is like, "What do you want?" ... So, I just think... okay... I need to exhange this for this please. And he just says, "No." Just like that and I'm like wtf? Why not? And he says that because I already wore it! !! What?! All the tags are there and I have the receipt AND it had been only about 3 days since I bought it. And there he is accusing me of returning it because I already wore it. I mean, hello dumbass! If I were doing that, wouldn't it be more sensible that I were exchanging it for something different? Not the same thing! And I get pissed because he's being a jerk so I request to speak with the manager and guess what? He says, "No, he doesn't have time to deal with the likes of you, so please leave before I call security." I wanted to die. No, I wanted to kill him. I mean, what was I doing? So (since I frequent the store) I walk over to where the manager is and demand to talk to him. He comes our asking what the matter is and I tell him that this ******* is insulting me. He hears the story and is all indignated. Right. So, what happens? He apologizes... tells me the skirt is on them and that any other merchandise is half off. And he bastard gets fired cause apparently it's not the first time this happens.

Well, pissed as I was I threw the skirt on the counter. I didn't want any of that shit.

I come home super angry only to hear my mother yelling. Apparently, she's angrier than I am. She yells and stomps and storms out the door saying how ungrateful every single one of her children are and ugh.



Was I not supposed to wake up today or something?

[merylsilverburg]

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

Every time I ask him to be somewhere for me, he can never make it because "he has to work." And whenever I tell him he says, "Well, if I don't work, then you can't wear those pretty little clothes you like to wear." Omg. That hurts, guys. It's as if he thinks that just because he works and "gives me money" that it replaces or betters the fact that he is never there. Never. Birthdays, banquets, celebrations, hell, graduations... nothing. All the freaking clothes in the world don't amount to half of the value I've never received from him.

These sorts of things are very rough and very hurtful especially since, being a child, you would like your parent (if you are close to them) to be there on important occasions, situations, or events. Even if you're not too close, it would be nice to know that you have family to be there for you.
But look at it this way: at least you have a dad who still talks to you, considers you his daughter, cares enough about you to even give you money regardless of what you spend it on, cares enough about you whether or not you're still alive, cares enough about you to want to hear your opinion (regarding the "which store to go to" situation), and well...at least is there to pick you up, drop you off, and even though he doesn't follow through on his promises, it's not like he's lying about why he couldn't take you. Maybe he really does have to work. I know the whole "gotta work" excuse is really annoying, but when you're an adult, work becomes your whole life. You have no excuses or other easy ways out, unlike being a young person. You have to focus on your job intently in order to keep it and to continue the cash flow. Otherwise, if you get fired, you would have to search for a new job and have a period of time where you don't have much money because you were fired and then what? How are you going to pay the bills? Put food on the table? Provide for your family and their needs? And even if you manage to find another job, it's starting at the bottom again and that means, less pay. Which also means, less money to pay the bills and etc. even though you have some leftover cash. And truly, your dad at least cares about you in a sense, otherwise he wouldn't even bother to pick you up or drop you off or even bother taking you anywhere. And yes, it does suck that he is never at your important events or changes things at the last minute even though he promised, but not every promise can be kept all the time. And if he does take a lot of time off work to satisfy your needs and lost his job, would it make you happy to know that he is now stressed and worried about finding another job only because of you? It's important for both parties, you and your dad, to find a compromise in this situation otherwise these things will forever continue to come up and things will never be resolved.

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

And the today... well, I asked my brother to take me to the mall because I needed to exchange something. So I go. I grab the skirt I'm going to exchange it for... same skirt, just different size - no big deal, right? Wrong! When I go up to the register, some f*cker is like, "What do you want?" ... So, I just think... okay... I need to exhange this for this please. And he just says, "No." Just like that and I'm like wtf? Why not? And he says that because I already wore it! !! What?! All the tags are there and I have the receipt AND it had been only about 3 days since I bought it. And there he is accusing me of returning it because I already wore it. I mean, hello dumbass! If I were doing that, wouldn't it be more sensible that I were exchanging it for something different? Not the same thing! And I get pissed because he's being a jerk so I request to speak with the manager and guess what? He says, "No, he doesn't have time to deal with the likes of you, so please leave before I call security." I wanted to die. No, I wanted to kill him. I mean, what was I doing? So (since I frequent the store) I walk over to where the manager is and demand to talk to him. He comes our asking what the matter is and I tell him that this ******* is insulting me. He hears the story and is all indignated. Right. So, what happens? He apologizes... tells me the skirt is on them and that any other merchandise is half off. And he bastard gets fired cause apparently it's not the first time this happens.

Okay, now this situation would piss me off too. What an asswipe; if he didn't want to work there, then don't work there. The whole point of working at a place is to serve people...you're getting paid to do that, that's your job so do it right. I know there are some real f*ckwad customers, but if they aren't doing anything to you, then there is no reason to be rude. You obviously weren't doing anything, it was a simple exchange, all he had to do was exchange it. You did the right thing to talk to the manager and let him know what a lazy mofo that guy was because you had your rights, it's a good thing you did it. Me, on the other hand, I would've...ugh, I probably would've just cowarded away or something.

[Phenom]

It seems everyone is having problems with their folks.

It is official. I HATE PARENTS. (No offence to any parents on the site)
In a longer term. I can't stand my folks.
My week started off great. Everybody joking around and whatnot.

Get to Wednesday... Day started off just fine. Until about 1:30. I'm in my room about to go to sleep. Phone rings... blah blah blah. All of a sudden, my dad starts bitching at me because I didn't have my cell phone turned on. (Obviously, there's a reason why I didn't have it on. Hell, even if it was on, I didn't feel like talkin to anyone)

Thursday. Again. Day starts off peaceful. Same incident occurs this time, he's telling my mom.... (And that's suppose to do what?) He just have to find something to bitch about. (Petty things at that)

Friday.... 1st 10 minutes after waking up. Day starts ok, but after that 10 minutes. My mom just turned into a pure bitch. And it's sad too because the 1st 10 minutes we were talking and after that. I'm getting the silent treatment. I'm like WTF. She's talking to everyone else but me. So... she takes off to go to work... I'm at class being bored.... and failed a test. So I'm pissed about that.... (put 2 damn weeks of study time into it) So I come back home. (It's 5:00 now) Take a nap... get up around 8 o'clock.
Peaceful for 2 in half hours. My mom gets in. No hi, just straight up bitching about 2 measly bowls in the sink. (And they wonder why I don't spend any so called "family time" with them. Another reason you could say I'm a lonewolf.)

And keep in mind. I'm not the talker in my family (Words I want to say to them will hurt their feelings). You can pretty much say I'm like you happy_doughnut. Except I have a temper, but I try to be as mellow as I can. So I just keep my mouth shut, but I swear... One of these days. I'm gonna snap.

"Meh, should've stayed on campus when I had the chance"

[merylsilverburg]

Sorry for posting here again, but I couldn't edit my previous post. I just wanted to add one more thing.

Mena, I really honestly wouldn't be complaining that my dad has to work especially since you're in that situation (and you know which situation I'm talking about). I would be grateful enough to be in that situation and yet, have a dad who actually does providing money home in order for me to buy all those things I like, such as clothes, games, books, music, anime, etc. Your dad can't provide you everything, he cannot be at your events and yet bring home money for you to spend. It's not possible, sacrifices have to be made, in life, it's inevitable and unavoidable. You can consider me the enemy here, if you desire, but I really just don't think your way of thinking is right in this situation.

[happy_doughnut]

I understand what you're saying, meryl. I really do. But see, it's not about whether I'm right or wrong; this is just the way I feel.

And I think that by what I said, people might get a wrong impression of my dad. For one thing, the only reason he picked me was because he was actually home. Apparently the guy he works with (they're co-bosses or something) was celebrating his birthday so my dad actually came home from a small breakfast they shared. Other than that, my dad pick me up? Hah!

And I know he has to work; I'm not telling him not to. He loves working. He loves it more than his family, actually. And well, this is very true. I'm not asking for him to be there with me all the time. Even if he tried I wouldn't allow it because overtime I have become a little... hard. It would be nice, though, to see him somewhere that is important for me every once in a while. I don't think that's asking for a lot. It's just really hard to smile and pretend and say, "THAT'S my dad!!" when I don't feel that way. And the truth is that he never ever is there. And you know what? No sum of money is great enough to fill this emptyness.

It's annoying to know that he thinks all he has to do is give me a 100$ and I'm fine. I would honestly exchange all of my belongings for some time with him. I really would.

But you know what? It's all right because what else can I expect? Maybe if I had been what he really wanted we would be close.

And no, my dad can't provide everything. Nobody can. All my dad does it work. He has no idea what happens to the money afterwards. It's always my mother, my brother and me that has to deal with everything. And well, that's all right cause we help out. But honestly, if my dad didn't work, then well... he simply would have nothing else to provide.

In my 18 years, I have yet to receive a hug from my dad. That's right - not even when I was a baby, toddler or whatever. And much less have I ever heard an "I love you." But I guess the dollar bills are supposed to do it for him, right? Well if that's the case, he can take them back because I don't want them. I'd rather be wearing rags and have his love than wear "designer clothes" and have his nothing.

[merylsilverburg]

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

I understand what you're saying, meryl. I really do. But see, it's not about whether I'm right or wrong; this is just the way I feel.

Look, I know that you're expressing how you feel here. And I also know that you're probably emotionally-distraught when you posted this and didn't think it reasonably through. However, just in case you do think it through, but not realize it, I just wanted to point it out the "wrong and right" in your feelings. Because, if you never realize it or have someone tell you, you'll always feel this way, feel very victimized or feel distraught by this...and it ends up that you won't have to feel this way if you find out the reason behind this complication.

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

For one thing, the only reason he picked me was because he was actually home. Apparently the guy he works with (they're co-bosses or something) was celebrating his birthday so my dad actually came home from a small breakfast they shared. Other than that, my dad pick me up? Hah!

Okay. Either I'm misunderstanding what you wrote here, but from what I'm getting, the only reason your dad picks you up to take you anywhere or do anything is because he happened to be home at the moment. Okay...so those times you told me that he dropped you off at school or dropped you off at places you wanted to go or picked you up from those places? What about those times? From what you told me personally, it gave me the impression that your dad was always available and is the one who is responsible of getting you to places. This doesn't make sense...

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

Even if he tried I wouldn't allow it because overtime I have become a little... hard.

Right, so if you've become a little tougher to get along, then you would also be a part of the blame. I was going to mention this little problem in my earlier post, but I didn't think it was necessary. Young people tend to push away their parents when they reach that "teenager/young adult stage" and parents never want to pry because they know their kids have reached that place where kids rebel, have angst, want freedom, silent treatment, become distant, etc. So, it ends up the parents shy away, but then in some cases, the kid wants them to actually care about them. But is it really okay for the kid to expect the parent to be nurturing and caring but also become a victim of rage or tempers whenever the kid feels like blowing off steam?

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

It's just really hard to smile and pretend and say, "THAT'S my dad!!" when I don't feel that way.

Why is it so hard? In life, everyone has to pretend in one situation or another. Do you think that when my parents are at each other's throats and ready to start WWIII while working in the restaurant that they don't have to pretend that everything is alright when customers (and close friends) begin to notice and ask questions? Do you think that it's okay for my mother to say "Oh, well, you know...my husband is just being a f*cker right now, you know...usual things"? And do you think it's easy for me when customers say to me "Omigawd, your dad is, like, a total genius in the kitchen! He's a brilliant chef!!" when I know very well that my poor excuse for a dad is nowhere near a "brilliant genius chef" that he has fooled people into thinking, but regardless, I have to smile (which is nearly impossible to do when you're filled with rage) and say "Yeah, my dad is really great! He's always able to invent these wonderful dishes!"
To sum it up, no, it's not easy to pretend that something's alright when it's not...but doing this sort of thing is actually easy if you don't dwell upon it or think about it so much. All you have to do is just say the same BS over and over again and sooner or later, you'll become so used to it that it comes out automatically.

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

It's annoying to know that he thinks all he has to do is give me a 100$ and I'm fine. I would honestly exchange all of my belongings for some time with him. I really would.

If this was really true, then why do you bother taking the money anyway then? If you truly, for some time, have thought "I would love to spend time with my dad, I don't care about the money or the items" then when your dad shoves the $100 bill in your face, you would just shove it back at him and say "No thanks dad...this isn't what I want...in fact, you know what I'd like? I'd like that you stop giving me money and, instead, be there for me during important moments or events, that's actually what I want."

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

All my dad does it work. He has no idea what happens to the money afterwards.

Well, this sounds an awful lot like my situation (and ongoing situation) that I've told you a long time ago when we first started talking...but when I described my situation to you, you didn't seem to fully understand what I was saying nor did you agree and say that your dad acts the same. It would've been nice to know that you also have to deal with a father like this too...because it made me feel like I was the only one experiencing this sort of hassle.

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

It's always my mother, my brother and me that has to deal with everything. And well, that's all right cause we help out. But honestly, if my dad didn't work, then well... he simply would have nothing else to provide.

In my 18 years, I have yet to receive a hug from my dad. That's right - not even when I was a baby, toddler or whatever. And much less have I ever heard an "I love you."

Okay, so if your dad doesn't provide much anything (like nurturement, comfort, fatherly-figure, etc.) except the cash...then why do you feel the need to be so attached/close to him? Especially since, from your post, he leaves your mother, your brother, and yourself to deal with the terrible aftermath of his actions or his lack of responsibility. In my mind, a guy like this would not even be considered a "father" nor would I ever want to be close/know a guy like this ever. He never hugs you, says "I love you", helps you out in tough situations, never gives you advice, or anything? Well guess what? My father has never done any of these things either...in fact, he even tried to kill me when I was just a baby (yes, he wanted to drop me out the window of the third story apartment building that my family were living in after I was born..and do you know why he wanted to do that? Only because I was crying too much and my mother couldn't quiet me down) so I'm guessing that "giving me fatherly advice" is faaar from his mind...and he also leaves my mother, my sister, and myself to deal with the crap that he leaves behind because of his pitiful self. Now, because he does all these things, I don't consider him a father at all. In fact, I don't even consider him part of the family...he's just some pathetic loser who has to hang around us because he's too damn scared to go off on his own. So Mena, if your father seems to be as much of an bastard as my dad, then I commend you...because you actually have the patience and the good-heart to actually want to get to know him.

[merylsilverburg]

Sorry for double posting, but I couldn't fit it all on the first reply. Anyway, moving along...

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

But I guess the dollar bills are supposed to do it for him, right? Well if that's the case, he can take them back because I don't want them. I'd rather be wearing rags and have his love than wear "designer clothes" and have his nothing.

Right and this goes back to what I said earlier...why do you bother taking the money from him then? And yes, I understand that you enjoy buying designer clothing and other things you like, but if you truly, truly wanted to get some quality time with your dad, then why don't you help out by not buying so much of those designer clothes...that way, he won't have to continue to give you money to buy them thus equaling working harder and longer hours thus equaling not being there for you. Or you can also get a job yourself so that way you can earn your own money to buy stuff...that way, your dad has no excuse not spend time with you because you're actually earning that $100 yourself. It's because you actually do like buying the stuff you like, but when the people aren't there for you, you are unhappy but you also expect the money to be continually provided? That is impossible beyond all reason on earth.

Mena, I'm am sorry that I sound harsh or cruel or whatever you may think of me right now (and any others who are reading this and considering me "Bitchy-McBitch") but this sort of ranting really makes me angry. I'm not defending for parents around the world (because, honestly...every parent is totally cool and/or caring? No way in hell) but parents do have a very hard time or have a very rough life especially dealing with work, worrying about their kids, worrying about the everyday adult responsiblities and young people really don't make their life easier. I'm not saying every young person is a brainless, inconsiderate punk, but young people do tend to be selfish a lot of times because they're either a) not mature enough to understand or be empathetic to many things or b) not able to control their emotions which catapults to blow-outs and/or temper flares. And in this particular situation, with the whole "money versus being there" thing, I cannot stand this because I, too, went through this sort of thing when I was very young...but I was too immature to understand what I know now. I wanted to buy stuff but I couldn't stand how my mother or sister were never there for me and left me all alone, having to fight my own battles when I was only 8 or 9. But then I realized that I enjoyed buying stuff and that I didn't mind being alone all the time and that I knew why my mother and sister were working so desperately hard to earn money...and so, because of this, I cannot bitch nor complain nor become inconsiderate of them who were both working so that I could live a comfortable life even though the life at the time wasn't so great. And so, I stopped. It took a long time, but I did understand eventually. Mena, you are pretty much an adult now and should understand these sort of things, so it makes me feel annoyed having to say these things to you, but from your posts, it just leaves me the impression that you don't understand because of what you ranted about. Regardless, I hope that by my doing this, you don't take me as your enemy because, the fact is, I do care which is why I say these things.

[Infernal Mass]

so much anger, so much pain...

[happy_doughnut]

Yes, I understand what you're saying, meryl and thanks. I do take these things into consideration.

But no, I wasn't feeling "emotional" when I posted. The thing is simple: my dad is never there, he simply sends money to replace him, and whenever something good happens, he's always there to take the praise. Why? Because he is such a good father. Is he really? Not that much. He works... he works an awful lot. Now though, it's not so much necessity as it is... a want. He loves it and always has. But this makes him alienated. He knows nothing of what goes on in his own household. If anything, it's my mother that has to take care of everything. But you see, she works "behind the scenes." That is, my mom is just "nice" but not as "great" as my dad. Why? Because he works and she doesn't, basically.

I would gladly get a job, but I can't. Why? Because my dad won't let me saying that school is my job and blah blah. As soon as I even mention working, he blows up, so I don't say anything anymore.

You might think that all I'm doing is bitching and that's okay. But to go onto tell you why this is not bitching would mean divulging more than I care to, so personal contact is preferable.

But still, I don't see why I'm so wrong. Because I wish my dad were there for me when I need him? Is that so bad? I don't think so. You see, I don't think a dad is just a man that works. No, there is much more to a father than that. But I guess, that would entail ggood fathers.

All in all, I appreciate my dad so much. And I'm surprised to see that you think I'm just being a brat because you should know how highly I esteem my parents. They're everything to me. I only wish my dad would be there for me every now and then instead of going solo. Why? Well, because I'm not alone!

And actually, I'm not a hard person to deal with. It's hard for me to trust, yes, but other than that, I do try to be mellow. Me and my dad hardly ever fight and if we do, it is always because of this. Other than that, we are all okay.

And yes, my dad does take me to buy school supplies. Well, he did when I was in high school. But geez, I don't give him props for that. I think that it was his responsibility. Now if he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to, and well, he doesn't anymore. That still doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate it.

Why do I take his money? Because I have to. As I said, he forbids me to work because he thinks I will start getting bad grades and whatnot. And well, if I got a job, I would probably be asked to leave home.

And don't think I don't understand what you're saying. Actually, I see things the way you do in order to better understand my own situations and become calmer. But regardless what any anybody says, I still hold to the fact that a father is not just a money-making figure. They are more than that. They should be men that can provide for their families in ways that are more than monetary. Is this hard to do? I would think so.

I'm not asking my dad to quit working. I am asking that he be there on at least one birthday, though. Is that too much? No, it's not.

And no, I don't think you as my enemy. I think of you as my friend. I mean, good friends are the ones that dare tell you things truthfully, right?

You just have to understand that it isn't about whether I am right or wrong. It's not about whether my dad is right or wrong. It is simply about a child and father that have lost the link that connects the two; and that this missing link does bring sadness.

[merylsilverburg]

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

The thing is simple: my dad is never there, he simply sends money to replace him, and whenever something good happens, he's always there to take the praise. Why? Because he is such a good father. Is he really? Not that much. He works... he works an awful lot. Now though, it's not so much necessity as it is... a want. He loves it and always has. But this makes him alienated. He knows nothing of what goes on in his own household. If anything, it's my mother that has to take care of everything. But you see, she works "behind the scenes." That is, my mom is just "nice" but not as "great" as my dad. Why? Because he works and she doesn't, basically.

I still don't understand this. So, if your dad is never there and only sends money to replace him, as I said earlier, doesn't this mean that you and your dad are very distant from one another instead of actually being close (and you probably shouldn't even know the guy if he works all the time)? And if this was the case, how is it that you would be so hurt by the fact that he never says "I love you" or gives you hugs or is never there and why do you feel the need to be so attached or to be close with him? I'm getting the impression that the truth is, you and your dad were very close once, but drifted apart over the years. So, why couldn't you just say "My dad is never there anymore and I am very hurt by this"?

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

You might think that all I'm doing is bitching and that's okay. But to go onto tell you why this is not bitching would mean divulging more than I care to, so personal contact is preferable.

I don't mind, but I'm just a little concerned with your situation because the things you say in one instance doesn't seem to add up with something else you say in another instance.

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

But still, I don't see why I'm so wrong. Because I wish my dad were there for me when I need him? Is that so bad? I don't think so.

Did I say that wishing your father were with you when you need him was bad? No, I didn't. But from your posts and your words, it gave me the impression that you want time with him but he's always working and you can't stand him working so much. And yet, you say that you're really hurt when he says that "he gives you money to buy clothes" but you actually do buy the clothes so you want the money to buy clothes, but also want to be with him too. That's why I was just kinda like "What's the deal here?"

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

Why do I take his money? Because I have to. As I said, he forbids me to work because he thinks I will start getting bad grades and whatnot. And well, if I got a job, I would probably be asked to leave home.

Alright, so you have to take the money and your dad forbids you to work and he blows up whenever you tell him you want to work. That's fine and I understand this now. But then again, why would he even notice or care that you get a job? Since you said that he never knows what goes on in the household, what would make your getting a job so noticeable? If the guy doesn't even care or know that you're feeling sad about not spending time with him (which means the guy doesn't know you at all), then what makes you getting a job the news of the century? Once again, it seems to me that your dad does care about you (otherwise he would forbade you getting a job because he's worried you'll get bad grades) and does notice what is going on with his children but maybe not everything else.

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

But regardless what any anybody says, I still hold to the fact that a father is not just a money-making figure. They are more than that. They should be men that can provide for their families in ways that are more than monetary. Is this hard to do? I would think so.

Well, I suppose you missed my post when I said:

Originally Posted by merylsilverburg

He never hugs you, says "I love you", helps you out in tough situations, never gives you advice, or anything?

and this:

Originally Posted by merylsilverburg

Okay, so if your dad doesn't provide much anything (like nurturement, comfort, fatherly-figure, etc.)

I know that fathers and mothers (parents in general) are supposed to provide more than just superficial or monetary things...so I wasn't disagreeing with you on this, but still, parents do have to work hard to provide money because money is extremely important in life. It doesn't fall out of trees (though I wish they did though...dammit! ) and parents have to stress about money because they think about providing for the kids...they have to make sure the kid gets food to eat, has a roof over their heads, can go to college/schooling, buy clothes or books, pay for special classes or special tutoring, etc....so because of all this worrying and thinking, they tend to forget that their children are still in need of "parental nurturement." I'm not saying that parents are right in this case, but it does happen.

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

I'm not asking my dad to quit working. I am asking that he be there on at least one birthday, though. Is that too much? No, it's not.

No, it's not too much to ask and yes, the guy should take a day off of work to at least spend a special day or two with you or your brother. But I am still concerned about my main question: if your dad was never close or even cared about/with any of the family, then why do you want him to be there at all and why are you concerned about this? Does him not being there for you make your life feel that much incomplete? And please do not think that I don't know what it's like to be alone or to have unreliable parents/family; a good bulk of my childhood was spent being just alone and getting empty promises or never seeing my sister or mother whenever I'm in a play or singing in the chorus and other things. So because they were never there, I just stopped caring and being so concerned or upset about this.

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

It is simply about a child and father that have lost the link that connects the two; and that this missing link does bring sadness.

Alright, here's the answer I've been looking for: so you and your dad were close once but now, you've become distant over the years. Okay, so why were you saying all that stuff about your dad never being there at all and and he works all the time and that he never knows what goes on in the household and all that?

[Redpyramidhead]

Look... my honest opinion is that this between my two friends mena and meryl has gone too far. First of all, you can't have a proper discussion like this back n forth via posts in a forum. You can't tell what the other persons tone is and it makes it both harder to be sensitive and to communicate through any kind of problem. STOP THIS. I care about both of you as friends and I think its getting ridiculous at this point.

Meryl, honestly I think you are being quite overbearing, even though I understand the wisdom behind your words (i hope you are not offended by this constructive criticism.) They are similar things I might try to say to Mena to help her out a little bit... cuz growing up can be rough... but in this case I think both of you have gone on enough about it on here in these forums. It's not really the place for you two to get so angry at eachother n then not talk afterwards... niether of you TRULY know whats going on thru simple ps2f posts.

I hate to think about you two fighting like this... I know you regard eachother as close. PEACE


_RED_ stuff

[Rei]

Sorry Red, but in this case I don't think you have the right to say to Mena and meryl to "STOP THIS". They can decide without your suggestion about what, how, and for how long they want to discuss in this thread. Maybe you're the one misunderstanding their intentions. I don't see how you can say the two of them are "fighting" either. If they prefer to discuss in private, they can do it, but I don't think you're the one who can ask them to do it, since this this thread was exactly created for discussing like that and they're not out of topic.

Just my opinion.

[goodman]

Life is really good here, working a lot, enjoying tons of music, concerts, movies, online gaming, and the occasional encounters with the ladies....... so overall i gotta give life a thumbs up at this point!

[merylsilverburg]

Originally Posted by Redpyramidhead

Meryl, honestly I think you are being quite overbearing, even though I understand the wisdom behind your words (i hope you are not offended by this constructive criticism.)

Perhaps I am being overbearing...but as I said in my earlier post, I cannot stand these sort of ranting/sharing because it's simply, to me, very unreasonable. I'm not saying that it was wrong of her to share or to feel unhappy about this, but there was a bit of irrationality behind what she said...and I don't want her to continue to think this way because it will continue to wear on her and cause her unneccessary stress. But also, her posts does not make any sense; at one point, her father is there then another point, her dad is never there and so on. So, what's the real deal, I just don't get it.

[Redpyramidhead]

Originally Posted by Rei

Sorry Red, but in this case I don't think you have the right to say to Mena and meryl to "STOP THIS". They can decide without your suggestion about what, how, and for how long they want to discuss in this thread. Maybe you're the one misunderstanding their intentions. I don't see how you can say the two of them are "fighting" either. If they prefer to discuss in private, they can do it, but I don't think you're the one who can ask them to do it, since this this thread was exactly created for discussing like that and they're not out of topic.

Just my opinion.

Meryl told me she had had a "spat" with mena and she was worried about it and she directed me to read this thread so that I WOULD understand what it was about. Your opinion is without knowing that. Also, I would hope they know me well enough I think to know that when i type "STOP THIS" in capital letters it is meant as a suggestion out of concern for them. I do hate to see my friends not getting along, especially if they draw my attention to it and seem to be asking my opinion on the matter. I am sorry if Mena or Meryl misunderstood my post in the way you did, but I seriously doubt it considering they are both my friends for a reason and I know they both for some odd reason value my opinion.

On top of all this, if you read my post better you probably, would have noticed my mostly neutral stance on their argument (which I did happen to know was an argument) and that my general concern for them was what was emphasized. If I truly had no place to give my opinion even after I was asked it in the fashion I did, I apologize. Now, please, I would appreciate it if people wouldn't jump to conclusions about me and the way I try to offer a little help to my friends. Sorry, Rei, if it sounds like I overreacted, but your post was the last thing I expected to see. Makes me wonder how well I am understood by ppl who do not know me better.
I am sure, out of ppl on these forums, I am one of the ones who makes the least sense...

... but at the same time I don't care... and that's what I like about me.

_RED_ stuff

[happy_doughnut]

Err... don't talk about me like I'm not here.

Anyway, hum. I don't think we're fighting. At least, I'm not and I don't consider this to be a fight. I do agree that maybe this has been enlongated more than it need be. For one, all I was doing was posting about a rather bad day I had that particular day. I was not seeking anyone's anything; I wasn't even thinking anyone was going to reply to the post. It doesn't bother me, though.

The thing is that is it impossible for you to understand from fragments. You are taking bits of what I say and trying to merge them together, meryl and that is why they don't make sense.

Okay:

When I said my dad is never there, I think you took it waaay to literally. It's not like I never see the man. What I meant was that he hardly is around regardless of ocassion. He's hardly present on important dates and on regular dates. He comes home very late and leaves the next day very early. On the weekends I see him a little more, depending on whether he chose to work or not.

Overall, however, I see him pretty little. But my point was that he always seems to manage to always miss events that are important for me. What you are telling me is that it is okay because he works and that I have to understand that. Well, I do understand but I do not agree with you for a second.

I don't care if he works because this to me does not justify him being absent from just about everything. As I have said, there is so much more to a father than "working."

Yes, my dad takes me to the store. Wow! He takes me whenever he's home, be it cause he just came home from work or because he was out doing other things, so he takes me if he can usually late at night. He doesn't drive me to school; he never has because when he's working when I go. So uh... basically, he takes me out to the mall to buy stuff that I need. IE: school stuff and clothes every now and then.

This is all great and good, but he's not the type of dad who will say, "Hey, I'm not working Sunday, wanna go out to eat?" Nope.

And yes, I wish he would do that every now and then. Or maybe not even that, but it would be nice if I'm say, graduating from HS, and he says, "I'll be there." Instead of, "Sorry, can't go. Lemme watch the movie."

And you know, I am so sorry you go through all those things. And it's great that you have the strength, but don't think that you are the only one that can handle it. I can too and I have handled it. Because I post about my dislike makes me somehow immature? I don't think so.

And personally, I am not one to smile and pretend everything is alright. I hate it and I won't take it. Whenever the situations come up, I walk away or ignore them. I absolutely hate having to pretend I have a super-supper family and lie about it. I won't. If people want to believe it, then they can but I'm not going to be a factor in their misunderstanding. If you can deal with it, then it's admirable because I could not stand it. I mean, I'm not a total ass and sometimes I do say things like, "Yeah, my dad sure does a lot." But I'm not going jump in and say that he's great and awesome if I don't think so.

So no, I don't agree. And I don't think we have to pretend either. Life can suck sometimes but if we are always pretending that it doesn't then we are degrading ourselves that much more.

And it's not that I'm dying for attention. Hell, I'd be dead already. You make it sound like I need him with me 24/7 and I don't. I don't because I've never had that so how can I know if I do? What I am saying is this: I wish my dad were there for and with me on events that are important for me. Promises to me are a huge deal and I hate it when someone promises something and then they bail. And so, I hate it when my dad "promises" to be there, to do something and then at the last minute, backs out for whatever reason. I understand if it's important, but all of the time?

Then you might ask, why do I believe him in the first place? Well, because believing is sometimes the only thing we have. I still trust that someday we will promise to be somewhere and be there! It is important for me, meryl regardless of how unimportant you may think it is. Why? Is it that necessary for me you ask? Yes. And you know what else? I am surprised you would even ask.

You know me more than anyone else here and know me a lot better than most overall. My family is large, yes, but at the same time, it's so small. You know how I have never been able to rely on my brothers or sister for affection, partly because they are only my half brothers because of my mom. It's always been that much harder for me. So who do I really have? My mom and dad. And it's hard when you only have two people and one of them can't even be there.

I hate how my mom has to do sooo much and my dad so little. I hate how my mom, despite all her worries, always manages to be there when I need her and my dad, well, he just can't.

We never have been that close. But just because we aren't doesn't mean this is the way I want it. Unfortunately, this is the way things are and I can't really do anything about them. I do wish he were there and I hate how work is more important that his only child.

I know he has to work, but he works like crazy. He can't stop. He works as if we had nothing to eat, yet thankfully we do. Sometimes it feels to me that he works in order to not be here because being here is probably more difficult than his work.

And I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I see things differently than you. That's all. I understand their responsibilities more than they understand mine. I know what they have to do and I know the strain it put on them. However, they are the ones that decided to have children. Or in this case, just me... and with a child comes more than just working for money. A parent also has to work for other things. A child also has their part and mind you, I think I am adhering to mine just fine. I don't ask them to buy me the world like most girls from this place; I don't ask them to pamper me like I'm a baby; I don't ask them to be my feet or my legs - I don't need them to be there always in order to stand.

All I'm asking is that they be there for me when it is important namely because they are what makes those events important. I didn't give a rats ass about graduating. It wasn't important for me, but it was for them and in that sense it was important for me: because I wanted to do it for them. And if they're not there, then what's the point? My birthdays? Well, it's nice to see your parents there celebrating with you the day you were born. Holidays? Those are meant to be spent with the family and sadly, my family is only my mom and dad. To have one miss it is sad.

All other days? A "hi" is great. A look is fine.

I don't think I'm being a demanding child at all. And I don't think that it's because I don't understand; I understand perfectly. But just because I understand doesn't mean I have to agree and in this case, I don't agree with what you say.