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Jun 14th, 2004, 03:40 PM | #1 |
Every One Dies Alone
Joined: May 2002
Location: In the depths of existance where the hot magma flows.
Age: 37
Posts: 1,057
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Tree
I haven't decided to put it any sort of scheme yet. Right now it is just free verse, and it's just raw material.
Tree I look into my past and I see a tree. A tree of generations of only me. I see my soul carving throughout the hardening, green interior. Growing older, it continues to harden, making its color illusive-brown. The branches- like my hands reaching to the heavens. The leaves blossoming and hung like my every thought-creation. A tree is: The tale tale, old wise woman of ancient times before this reincarnation; Observer of the present, and history books of life; My seated dreams of five seconds long past. Its roots intertwine with mine, even though I am not stable. There's this strong force stressing the chilling sincerity to describe the essential spirituality I've obtained and I want to make a sound to convey every thing I think and feel. I search for influence, but all I hear is the woosh and rattle of a tree. PSR Message: Never bring me a flower, just give me the best leaf you can find. Last edited by Lost_myth; Jun 14th, 2004 at 03:54 PM.. |
Jun 14th, 2004, 05:00 PM | #2 |
Every One Dies Alone
Joined: May 2002
Location: In the depths of existance where the hot magma flows.
Age: 37
Posts: 1,057
|
argh.. it's supposed to say tall tale... would someone correct that for me?
__________________
All around me are familiar faces Worn out places Worn out faces Bright & early for the daily races Going nowhere Going nowhere Their tears R filling up their glasses No Xpression No Xpression Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows No 2morrow No 2morrow & I find it kindof funny I find it kindof sad. These dreams in which i'm dying, R the best I've ever had |
Jun 14th, 2004, 05:07 PM | #3 |
pazparacolombia
Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Restless dreams...
Age: 43
Posts: 2,002
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PAMMY! Hi. Hehe. I enjoy this one a lot. It reminds me of a feeling I have been having lately but I can't quite put my finger on it. I like it especially because you liken yourself to a tree and I absolutely love trees and the spirituality they can stand for. They are such a symbol that can represent so many things and I like how your body and history as the different parts and what they represent to you. Extra points on imagery thats for sure! PEACE
_RED_ stuff
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"..loathsome laughing, mixed with such a cry as no man has heard save for in the phlegathon of unrelatable nightmares; a cry wherein reverberated the horror and anguish of a haunted lifetime packed into one atrocious moment..." |
Jun 14th, 2004, 05:10 PM | #4 |
Stationary Wonderer
Joined: Apr 2002
Location: In front of my computer
Age: 39
Posts: 1,140
|
Loved the first half of the poem. Particularly this line
Growing older, it continues to harden, making its color illusive-brown Shows how our soul's are hardened and toughened over time. I like the comparrison..very well thought out and worded. I liked the second half as well. I just thought that THIS line There's this strong force stressing the chilling sincerity to describe the essential spirituality I've obtained Was a little wordy. Its obvious you have a good understanding of a good vocabulary. That goes without saying... But my advice would be to dumb it down a bit for the general public. And so that it doesent seem to some that your overdoing it a bit. you certainly get your point across well though and I want to make a sound to convey every thing I think and feel I am also fond of that line. I dont know what sound that would be..but mine would be LOUD
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The kinder, gentler, Vicious Beretta55- "fo sheezy heezy neezy weezy flipity floppity floop" Lost Myth- "I already know you are something special and I think the Pistons did too, because then why would they have won the trophy on your birthday dude? Anonymous- "Whos more to blame, me for being quote un quote gullible ?, or him for lying !?" Last edited by Vicious_2003; Jun 14th, 2004 at 05:15 PM.. |
Jun 14th, 2004, 05:59 PM | #5 | |
Every One Dies Alone
Joined: May 2002
Location: In the depths of existance where the hot magma flows.
Age: 37
Posts: 1,057
|
Quote:
You know how sometimes there is so many things you want to say at once or describe something so throughly that you can't use the root word or else the whole point of you putting it there would be useless. It's like making a Chocolate, layered cake and forgetting to add the yeast and cocoa mix.
__________________
All around me are familiar faces Worn out places Worn out faces Bright & early for the daily races Going nowhere Going nowhere Their tears R filling up their glasses No Xpression No Xpression Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows No 2morrow No 2morrow & I find it kindof funny I find it kindof sad. These dreams in which i'm dying, R the best I've ever had |
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Jun 14th, 2004, 08:01 PM | #6 |
Stationary Wonderer
Joined: Apr 2002
Location: In front of my computer
Age: 39
Posts: 1,140
|
QUOTE - You know how sometimes there is so many things you want to say at once or describe something so throughly that you can't use the root word or else the whole point of you putting it there would be useless.
It's like making a Chocolate, layered cake and forgetting to add the yeast and cocoa mix LOL. Yeah...I definately know what U mean
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The kinder, gentler, Vicious Beretta55- "fo sheezy heezy neezy weezy flipity floppity floop" Lost Myth- "I already know you are something special and I think the Pistons did too, because then why would they have won the trophy on your birthday dude? Anonymous- "Whos more to blame, me for being quote un quote gullible ?, or him for lying !?" |
Jun 14th, 2004, 09:22 PM | #7 |
Stationary Wonderer
Joined: Apr 2002
Location: In front of my computer
Age: 39
Posts: 1,140
|
sorry..accidental double post
__________________
The kinder, gentler, Vicious Beretta55- "fo sheezy heezy neezy weezy flipity floppity floop" Lost Myth- "I already know you are something special and I think the Pistons did too, because then why would they have won the trophy on your birthday dude? Anonymous- "Whos more to blame, me for being quote un quote gullible ?, or him for lying !?" Last edited by Vicious_2003; Jun 14th, 2004 at 09:43 PM.. |
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