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Actually I read this poem three times. First just to enjoy it and again to give you a comment but then I got a little confused so when I read it the third time I discovered it's actually quite lovely when the reader unvails it in all it's meanings.

I really like the tone you used in this line, " try, try, try to make lifes requirements met." the poem is really brief though. This poem seems really tranquil to me and if that's what you were going for then it's great. If you were looking for more of a different mood then go more in depth with the silence and the noise. I think the message is good enough for a bigger base.

__________________
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places Worn out faces
Bright & early for the daily races
Going nowhere Going nowhere
Their tears R filling up their glasses
No Xpression No Xpression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows

No 2morrow No 2morrow
& I find it kindof funny I find it kindof sad.
These dreams in which i'm dying, R the best I've ever had

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Jan 14th, 2004, 12:47 PM	#2
Lost_myth Every One Dies Alone Joined: May 2002 Location: In the depths of existance where the hot magma flows. Age: 37 Posts: 1,057	Actually I read this poem three times. First just to enjoy it and again to give you a comment but then I got a little confused so when I read it the third time I discovered it's actually quite lovely when the reader unvails it in all it's meanings. I really like the tone you used in this line, " try, try, try to make lifes requirements met." the poem is really brief though. This poem seems really tranquil to me and if that's what you were going for then it's great. If you were looking for more of a different mood then go more in depth with the silence and the noise. I think the message is good enough for a bigger base. __________________ All around me are familiar faces Worn out places Worn out faces Bright & early for the daily races Going nowhere Going nowhere Their tears R filling up their glasses No Xpression No Xpression Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows No 2morrow No 2morrow & I find it kindof funny I find it kindof sad. These dreams in which i'm dying, R the best I've ever had

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