[BowevelJoe]

1.There once was an insane man, who ran from land to land. They called him Umbrella but no one knew why. Maybe it was because his head was shaped like an iron, or perhaps it was because he had flippers for feet, but Umbrella? He only knew how to grow hemp, but sometimes he was a pimp. His family owned a waffle plant and enjoyed jumping into the giant vat of waffle stuff. One time he was put through the machine and looked like a waffle for a week. He never really accomplished anything, besides being the first human waffle. He once thought he could take over the world by making a swirley hypnotizing designs on waffles, but the only person he hypnotized was himself and forgot what he was doing. The rest of his life was spent running aimlessly into walls and barking at tables. What a life!

2.There once was a story heard from a man, that was heard from another man, that was heard by crazy Frank who swore he heard it from a pooting cat, so were just going to take his word for it.
Way back in the day in the days of lords and samurai was a man by the name of Yackity Yack, who sometimes said "Dont talk back", to know one, people thought he was talking to himself, but he was acually talking to a turtle that lived in his kimono pocket. He was a great samurai in the clan of Bob. He accomplished many great things in his life like the ability to suck noodles through his nose, and being able to tell the day of the week by what condition his underpants were in. He lived a long and ate many strange things. One time he thought he ate a moose-phant(moose&elephant hybrid) but, it was only his wife. He had many-a-children whom he thought were cute, but acually favored neanderthals. They enjoyed grunting and eating sticks. Eventually Yackity Yack died of malnutrition, a little slow in the brain department, thought that kitty litter was a new type of grain.
The end

if im to weird for you guys ill stop, i mean i understand because i get that all the time lol...so just say so...