Sorry to hear of your loss Pu. Everybody mourns differently some cry it out and others don't and just go with things. I also personally wouldn't be concerned with looking like you don't care; I've reacted the same way to deaths all my life. I just accept the loss and try to move on. I also don't know what I'm trying to say; at 5 AM I get wordy and don't make a lot of sense so just ignore me Pu.
As for what I'm thinking, well that's a mixed bag. Things are decent I guess, even though my thoughts don't seem to reflect the change. I try not to pay too much mind to what I think about anyway, it hardly does me any favors.