Well, what Faile is trying to say, but didnt put so delicately, is that it is hard to keep one's attention (in any story or article what have you) if it is written that way. A lot of people just plain won'te be able to follow the script because they are not used to reading things that sound like a stream of conciousness.
I have a suggestion for you. What I did read sounded interesting, so go back and add some punctuation and seperate some paragraphs. If you need help with that have somebody proofread it. Being a bit of a writer I would hate to tell somebody who sounds to have so much enthusiasm something is simply not good enough. good luck
_RED_ stuff