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Outerwoven
Another one. Hope it's enjoyed. PEACE
Outerwoven by Myself Woven juxtaposition real or imagined awakenings an enigma between textures Yin and Yang burrow deeper into eachother double spiral in orgasm enraptured the song she sang Onto the next level woven juxtaposition of awakenings imagined therefore real enigmas and devine questions between textures the Yin and Yang burrow deeper still into eachother inside out outside in double spiral orgasmically enraptured the songs we could sing The trees become silhouettes of their shadows the shadows realized materialized with ethereal metaphysical eyes beyond dimension yet somehow you are still the wind that breezes through them Lead to opposite ascension ~real therefore imagined~ ~imagined therefore real~ Copyrighted Mark Skinner 2004 _RED_ stuff |
This makes me go :roll: , I think it's just a little to kinda manic for me to handle, Its good in that way though, but seems very manic to me.
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Is that constructive criticism? I'm just curious. I've never been told whatever it is you are saying in those words before. My poem is too "manic"? I'm just curious whether it's constructive criticism or the other kind because I am totally open to both, for very important reasons, but if you think that could help me improve somehow, I would like to know what you mean exactly.
_RED_ stuff |
Me help you Improve! Ha! Unlikely seeing as I am Inferior to you Mr.red!
I'm not really sure quite what I meant, I just know it wasn't meant to be taken badly, It's just as I read it in my head it was sorta sped up and crazy and I just felt it seemed to be 'manic', this was the only word that seemed to describe it for me, I dunno.... Maybe it's just beyond my simple mind. It is very good and complex. Intertwining of people. I liked it, It just came across as 'manic' to me. Sorry I have just rambled and explained nothing really. Piggle :roll: x x x x |
I think there's no need for improvement. It's beautifully written. Although I do wish you would continue with this section, I'm in love with it...
"The trees become silhouettes of their shadows the shadows realized materialized with ethereal metaphysical eyes beyond dimension yet somehow you are still the wind that breezes through them Lead to opposite ascension" It's really horrifyingly beautiful, I some how wish you'd write a romantic horror poem. It really reminds me of like a science....mmm.. I guess I'm in love with trees? |
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