A frustrated child
 

A frustrated child

My mother is Lutheran and my father is Catholic
My mother’s parents have died, I only knew my grandmother
Her faith strong within her spirit that sits in my heart
And her love for us, opinionated but unconditional
She, forever giving, ambitious and strong willed
I, too busy to notice
My mother, too irritated to defog her own glasses which continues to rot away in my memory
But for that year she lived with us
I can never forget
When I was washing the dishes
I heard a familiar door squeak open
And slowly out walked she, my grandmother
With her coffee cup empty.. Ready to again fill with hot water
and she did not pass by me like everyone else
But she actually saw me!
That’s when she set the coffee cup down on the counter between us
Like it was as fragile as that porcelain doll
That she gifted me on the day of my first communion.
Then she looked up as she smiled at me
And began to tell me the latest news
It gave me that warm feeling inside, ya know?
Like I was 4 years old again
Coming into my kindergarten class for the first time
My mind trying to desperately satisfy my curiosity
As I sat my little fanny on that round, red rug that appeared to be constructed from Twistlers
Listening to a story that seized me wholly
And we laughed until there were no more dishes to be cleaned
and the microwave was done warming her mug
The conversations of which my parents never thought of to discuss but of which I ached for them to be told

See, I was baptized Catholic, attended a Catholic Sunday school and was on a Catholic volleyball team
but I always went to my grandmother’s Lutheran Church for mass
We didn’t go every Sunday but on occasion
And for some reason I liked it there
A place my mother and father never argued
but held hands
A place where I looked around and only saw the family that cared for me
The corrupted ones couldn’t find me there
But my brother always found a way to bug me and pull my hair
My dad always asking if we wanted a blue ice cough drop
As we listened to the pastor’s prayer
We all accepted Christ’s blood and bread,
Confessed our sins and asked for our redemption
When we left we felt renewed again
and I can remember the time in December when we opened those big heavy doors
to see the snow floating to the floors
Of the natural born world
And I could feel that meaning of something greater motivate me
To live and care
To Care to live and let live and make sure others did
Oh, there was life inside me!