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JC Denton
Feb 4th, 2002, 02:48 PM
im a little bored so has anyone got any decent jokes to tell?
not a brilliant thread but oh well.

MANKIND
Feb 6th, 2002, 09:05 AM
what do u call a man with rabbits up his ass?
.................................................. .............warren!

MANKIND
Feb 6th, 2002, 09:09 AM
this may not be a joke but soul angel and mourdor are really cool

IcyMourdor
Feb 6th, 2002, 09:15 AM
Originally posted by MANKIND
this may not be a joke but soul angel and mourdor are really cool

Flattery will get you no where! However, bribes work pretty well. What brought this on?

Sleazy P Martini
Feb 7th, 2002, 02:53 PM
pull my finger

LiquidSm0ke
Feb 7th, 2002, 03:07 PM
Originally posted by Sleazy P Martini
pull my finger

lol :cool:

007_JamesBond
Feb 8th, 2002, 12:25 PM
Here is one.

There were 3 guys walking through the desert, an average joee, G.W. Bush, and Bin Laden. as they were walking through the desert they found a magic lamp, tthey rubbed it and a genie popped out, I will grant you 1 wish each he said. The 1st guy asked for riches beyond imagine, Bin Laden then said I want you to build a wall arounf my country to prtect my people, from the world, and it was done. Bush then asked the genie tell me about this wall, Genie says it is about 50 feet tall, nd impenetrable, Ok bush says, Fill it with water.


Ha Ha I have tons more.

Uchiha Sasuke
Mar 2nd, 2002, 08:32 PM
Here's one.......A guy is walking on a beach and he comes up to this girl with no arms and no legs and she is crying.He goes up to her and ask why are you crying and she response."ive never been kissed before"and then the guy kisses her and she stops crying and he walks off.Then as the guy is walking back he see's the same girl crying and ask why are you still crying and she response i've never been screwed before.And then the guy picks up her body and whips it in the ocean and says now your screwed.

merylsilverburg
Mar 2nd, 2002, 08:40 PM
Heh, heh....that's a good one, SSSnake. :D

BTW, you've got 1000 posts! Congrats! :)

Uchiha Sasuke
Mar 2nd, 2002, 08:46 PM
Hay thanx,i can't believe that i got this far this fast,makg eat your heart out hehe

merylsilverburg
Mar 2nd, 2002, 08:53 PM
Well, ya can't blame the guy. He's been gone for a while. I remember at the old forum, he got so many! :shock: But...back to the topic....I don't know if I have any jokes. I read a lot of men's jokes in guy magazines, like Maximum....but I have to go and find them....

Spirit
Mar 2nd, 2002, 09:30 PM
here goes:
three guys come from a trip
they go to get checked for stds
first one comes out
"AIDS"
shoots himself and blows his brains all over the floor
second one comes out
"AIDS"
opens a botte of acid and drinks it
third one comes out
"Wheeee I got Syphilis!!!"

Uchiha Sasuke
Mar 2nd, 2002, 09:31 PM
LMAO.....:laugh: :laugh: oh thats good

Spirit
Mar 2nd, 2002, 09:38 PM
thx, here's another one
a thief sees that everyone left the house, so he knocks on the door
"who's there" is a reply of a small boy's voice
"it's me! open up" thief tries to mimic his voice
"no" states the little boy
"who's there?" thief asks
"just me and jack" says the boy
"how old are you?"
"7"
"how old is jack?"
"3"
the thief laughs and breaks the door only to see a 2 year old st bernard dog jump at his balls

jenova_jeb
Mar 2nd, 2002, 09:41 PM
Lol :laugh: .

Pu the Owl
Mar 2nd, 2002, 09:42 PM
ROFL I wonder what happened to the thief later... :laugh:

merylsilverburg
Mar 2nd, 2002, 09:44 PM
Originally posted by spiritslayer
thx, here's another one
a thief sees that everyone left the house, so he knocks on the door
"who's there" is a reply of a small boy's voice
"it's me! open up" thief tries to mimic his voice
"no" states the little boy
"who's there?" thief asks
"just me and jack" says the boy
"how old are you?"
"7"
"how old is jack?"
"3"
the thief laughs and breaks the door only to see a 2 year old st bernard dog jump at his balls

Ha, ha! :laugh:

Spirit
Mar 2nd, 2002, 09:55 PM
I'm glad you like my jokes, another one:
A boy's mom comes home and he says
"Mom, dad and miss Jenna were doing something in the bedroom, they were....!"
mom interrupts him and says
"say it at the family table"
so dinner time comes and the boy says
"mom, dad and miss Jenna were doing something in the bedroom, they were doing the exact same thing you and mr Mort were doing last week!"

Uchiha Sasuke
Mar 2nd, 2002, 09:58 PM
Ha thats good.The kid must be some kind of spy

Spirit
Mar 2nd, 2002, 10:02 PM
hey the more the marrier, eh?
I'll think of some more if I can, sometime other than this =P

LiquidSm0ke
Mar 2nd, 2002, 11:24 PM
Here ya go, two jokes:

1) there's a blonde riding down the street when all of a suddden she hits a car in front of her. the man is so outraged that he jumps out of his car and tells the blonde to get out of hers. he draws a circle on the ground with a stick and tells her to stand in it and not to come out. he grabs a bat from his car and starts smashing in her car lights when all of a sudden she busts out laughing. now he gets even more angry and starts smashing in her car windows and making dents in her car. by now, she's laughing nonstop. he turns around and yells,"what the hell is so funny!?" she tells him, " while you weren't looking i stepped out of the circle three times.


2) A man told a brunette, a red head & a blonde that in the female toilets there was a mirror that would give you a million dollars if you told it the absolute truth, if it's not true they'll get sucked into the mirror.

The Brunette goes in and says "I think I am the most beautiful person in the world" She imediately gets sucked into the mirror.


The red head goes in and says "I think I am the most inteligent person in the world" She also gets sucked in the mirror.


The blonde goes in and says "I think..." and gets sucked into the mirror

merylsilverburg
Mar 2nd, 2002, 11:34 PM
Originally posted by LiquidSm0ke
Here ya go, two jokes:

1) there's a blonde riding down the street when all of a suddden she hits a car in front of her. the man is so outraged that he jumps out of his car and tells the blonde to get out of hers. he draws a circle on the ground with a stick and tells her to stand in it and not to come out. he grabs a bat from his car and starts smashing in her car lights when all of a sudden she busts out laughing. now he gets even more angry and starts smashing in her car windows and making dents in her car. by now, she's laughing nonstop. he turns around and yells,"what the hell is so funny!?" she tells him, " while you weren't looking i stepped out of the circle three times.


2) A man told a brunette, a red head & a blonde that in the female toilets there was a mirror that would give you a million dollars if you told it the absolute truth, if it's not true they'll get sucked into the mirror.

The Brunette goes in and says "I think I am the most beautiful person in the world" She imediately gets sucked into the mirror.


The red head goes in and says "I think I am the most inteligent person in the world" She also gets sucked in the mirror.


The blonde goes in and says "I think..." and gets sucked into the mirror

Oh yeah! I heard those before. Those were funny. :D

Uchiha Sasuke
Mar 2nd, 2002, 11:35 PM
Jees that really good i mean really good

Hadoken
Mar 3rd, 2002, 12:53 AM
If you read this earlier, there was a joke here.
but i suck at making up corny yet funny jokes.
all of the jokes i know are too mature to post here. . so i dont think its acceptable to post them.

Uchiha Sasuke
Mar 3rd, 2002, 01:06 AM
I would love to read them send them to me via private message

Spirit
Mar 3rd, 2002, 01:21 AM
me too man, pm them to me too!!! Besides I only post the childish ones here.... some I can't even dare to say >,<

Hadoken
Mar 3rd, 2002, 02:06 AM
ok, i`ve sent the jokes.

Spirit
Mar 3rd, 2002, 02:57 AM
they're brilliant, and I hope you enjoy the ones I sent you as well lol

Uchiha Sasuke
Mar 3rd, 2002, 12:02 PM
Originally posted by spiritslayer
they're brilliant, and I hope you enjoy the ones I sent you as well lol

Spirit send me your jokes

Spirit
Mar 3rd, 2002, 01:49 PM
bah they weren't long, give me some time and I'll send you better ones =P

Uchiha Sasuke
Mar 3rd, 2002, 01:51 PM
Originally posted by spiritslayer
bah they weren't long, give me some time and I'll send you better ones =P


Ok thats cool

merylsilverburg
Mar 3rd, 2002, 04:48 PM
Well....I have this Britney Spears joke that I read from this one site and I thought it was pretty funny, but it might be stupid to some of you. I'll post it anyway:

Q: Why did Britney Spears jump off the side of a building?

A: She thought her Maxi Pad had wings.


Stupid girl probably WOULD do that...:laugh:

nanjij
Mar 3rd, 2002, 04:53 PM
funny

i heard this joke by someone off the bus
im very sorry if this causes offents to any one

it was at a dance compitition and a spaztic wins
after he says i was only walking to the can machine

Uchiha Sasuke
Mar 3rd, 2002, 04:55 PM
LOL those were some good jokes.Ah laughing is good:laugh:

MADRUCKIS
Mar 3rd, 2002, 06:53 PM
Hmpff

I've lived a long time and I've heard millions

"Three men die on teh same day. They go to the gates and an angel says "Sorry. We're sort of over crowded right now. We can only admit one more person. I will pick the person who's death is worse."

The first man says "Alright. I knew my wife was cheating on me so I went home early to the 16th floor of my 17 fl. building. When I get there she's takin a shower, and she doesn't that early. I checked all over and I found a guy hanging off my balchony, that bastard. So I stepped on his fingers and he fell. Just to make sure, I pushed my refrigerator over the side and it fell on him. Afterwards, I shot myself in the head."

The second man says "I live on the 17th floor of my building. I was on my balchony reading when I slipped and fell. Luckily I caught the edge of the floor beneath me. Then this crazy man came and stomped on my fingers. I fell 16 flights but I survived. The last thing I remember is a refrigerator coming towards me."

The third man says "Alright, picture this! Your butt naked in a refrigerator..........."

Uchiha Sasuke
Mar 3rd, 2002, 06:57 PM
LMAO,:laugh: :ghost: That ones really original i like it alot

007_JamesBond
Mar 4th, 2002, 12:22 PM
Hey SSSnake that joke on the first page posted by you, I told you that. These are fun.

Sh*t I forgot mine

trunks69420
Mar 4th, 2002, 01:11 PM
There was this lady who loved to golf and she decided to go play a few holes.
After a couple of holes, she gets stung by a bee, then gets upset and goes back to the club house.
The guy says: "youre back early, what happend?"
She says:"well, i got stung by a bee."
He Says:"Where at?"
She says:" Between the 1st and 2nd hole."
He says:"Theres your problem! Your stance is too wide!!":laugh:

Cannibal Clown
Mar 4th, 2002, 05:00 PM
Wow, these are really funny. I wish I could come up with some, but I guess all I can do is read your's.

Uchiha Sasuke
Mar 4th, 2002, 05:02 PM
Originally posted by 007_JamesBond
Hey SSSnake that joke on the first page posted by you, I told you that. These are fun.

Sh*t I forgot mine

What you talking about.You never told me that one.I knew that one for a long long time.

007_JamesBond
Mar 4th, 2002, 06:01 PM
lol very funny snake

Uchiha Sasuke
Mar 4th, 2002, 06:09 PM
Originally posted by 007_JamesBond
lol very funny snake

Theres nothin funny about it.I did know the joke for awhile i mean awhile.

merylsilverburg
Mar 5th, 2002, 05:39 PM
Heh....well, I got a 2 jokes that are kinda inappropriate, since I read them from a guy's magazine. If anyone wants to hear them, pm me, and I send it to ya. :) But, here's one joke: (Also from a guy's mag)

An attractive woman goes up to the bar and waves her hand at the bartender. He ignores her, so she leaves. A few minutes later, the same woman comes back to the bar and blows a kiss at the bartender. This time, he comes over and asks, "May I help you?"
"Yes," says the woman, stroking his face. "Could you get me the manager?"
"I'm sorry, miss," the bartender says. "He's unavailable at the moment. Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes, " says the woman, rubbing her fingers through his hair. "Could you give a message to him?" She begans to pop some of her fingers into his mouth to let him suck on them gently.
"Well, I'll see if I can, " he manages to spit out. "What's the message?" The woman leans in close to the bartender and says in his ear, "Tell him....there's no toilet paper in the woman's room."

Ha, ha....it's pretty gross though...

Uchiha Sasuke
Mar 5th, 2002, 05:41 PM
oh god i think im going to throw up:blergh:Very good and funny though

Cannibal Clown
Mar 5th, 2002, 05:57 PM
I heard that joke a couple of times. i think it's pretty funny.

trunks69420
Mar 6th, 2002, 12:52 PM
Ok i got a couple...
This guy runs into a girl and accidentaly elbows her in the breast. Both are a little uncomfortable and there is an awkward silence.
Then the man says"If your heart is as soft as your breast, i know that you will forgive me."
The woman says" If your d!c* is as hard as your elbow, im in room 224!"
------------------------------
This guy was gettin ready for a halloween party and cant find anything to wear. So he takes of his shirt, shoes and socks.
He shows up at the door and the guy asks" What the hell are you supposed to be?"
The man answers" A premature ejaculation, i just came in my pants!!"

Both compliments of Playboy...

Spirit
Mar 6th, 2002, 01:11 PM
MADRUCKIS great joke man!!! I really saw how that one stood out from the others, completely great and amazing =P I need to refresh my memory, it's really f-ed up right now...
I'll try to post more l8r on today though =P

Uchiha Sasuke
Mar 6th, 2002, 05:12 PM
Originally posted by trunks69420
Ok i got a couple...
This guy runs into a girl and accidentaly elbows her in the breast. Both are a little uncomfortable and there is an awkward silence.
Then the man says"If your heart is as soft as your breast, i know that you will forgive me."
The woman says" If your d!c* is as hard as your elbow, im in room 224!"
------------------------------
This guy was gettin ready for a halloween party and cant find anything to wear. So he takes of his shirt, shoes and socks.
He shows up at the door and the guy asks" What the hell are you supposed to be?"
The man answers" A premature ejaculation, i just came in my pants!!"

Both compliments of Playboy...


Jees those are pretty good:laugh: But maybe those shouldnt be posted only because there a little crude,but im not complaining its just that the admins might get a little mad

Rocky
Mar 7th, 2002, 12:57 PM
This is pretty crap but here it is:

1st kid:Mummy why am i called Rose?
mum:Because a rose fell on your head when you were a baby.
2nd Kid:Mummy why am i called Daisy?
Mum:Because a daisy fell on your head when you were a baby.
A spastic Kid walks in:
Spastic:(Tries to say)Why am i called Cuboard.

trunks69420
Mar 7th, 2002, 12:57 PM
Yeah, sorry about that... Those were the two cleanest ones that i could think of...
Sorry everyone:cool:

Uchiha Sasuke
Mar 7th, 2002, 07:12 PM
Just email them to the people who want them like hadoken did