raccoon city the horror

[Beretta55]

im writeing a story this isnt one you put your name in i felt like makeing something up and this is raccoon city when the stuff happened.
"the telephone rang"
hello who is this "the man said"
John i need you to come to the police staion right away!! "the man on the phone said"
why do you need me "john said"
we just do get your ass to the staion!! "the man said"
"john got his cloths on and went to his closet were he picked up his glock 17 and 9 clips of ammo"
i knew i should of took the night job "john said"
"john picked up his keys and left thru the door"
i wil write more later just give you honest opinion about this. even if its not positive.

[Beretta55]

"john enterd his car and drove to the police staion"
i wonder what they need me for "john thought"
"after awhile john got the staion and he got out of his car"
man just a week on the job and it sounds like something major "john thought"
"he entered the staion and he saw a couple of bodybags"
what the.......!? "john thought'
there you are john "a man said'
"john looked at the guy's name tag and it said Zack"
uh.......hi were you the person who called me "john said"
it wasnt me it was the captain "zack said"
well refresh me who actully is the captain? "john said"
you never met him? "zack said"
no im a new recurit "john said"
well it was the captain who called you and his name is chirs but call him captain "zack said"
where is his office? "john said"
"zack pointed to john's left"
thanks "john said"
no problem "zack said"
"john walked to his left and walked into the captain's office"
you wanted to see me sir "john said"
oh....you must be john right? "chirs said"
thats me sir "john said'
well take a seat cause i have to talk to you "chirs said"
what about sir? "john said"
well we got some calls about people being eaten alive so we need you at the police staion. until we say you can go home "chirs said"
you mean people being eaten "john said with a shocked face"
yes your right so we need you here i called all the cops "chirs said"
okay sir i will stay here "john said"
now you can leave "chirs said"
"john left the captains office and he was going to ask about the bodybag's he saw but he left it alone"

[Beretta55]

"he saw zack and john walked up to him"
hey zack maybe you can answer me a question "john said"
yea what is it? "zack said"
when i enterd this police staion i saw a couple of people takeing out bodybag's "john said"
well they started acting strange and one officer bit another one on the neck. and there skin was rotting and stuff and there eye's turned white. and so a couple of officers shot them and they died "zack said"
hmmmmmmm.....the captain said something about victimes being eaten alive "john said"
you mean zombie's come on man get real! "zack said"
it might be ture you never know "john said"
"just then everybody in the staion heard windows shattering"
what was that!? "zack said"
"and you could hear the sounds of people screaming"
what the hell is going on!! "john said"
"just then about 5 people busted thur a door and they looked like zombie's"
belive me now! "john said"
yea lets shoot these S.O.B'S! "zack said"
"john and zack shot at the zombies but they got too close"
zack run away!! "john said"
"just then a zombie starting biteing on zack john tryied to save him but it was too late"
Zack! "john said"
"john ran to the door that was north of him he opened it and nothing was there" good there is nothing here "john said"
"then it just hit john what about the captain he wanted to save him but it would be suicide to go back"
i just hope the captain will do alright and run from those freak's "john thought"
well i have to move on and maybe i will find some people to help me out "john said"
"he moved on down the hall not knowing what awaits him"

[Beretta55]

*test post*

[Beretta55]

im just wondering is anybody reading this?

[Faile]

i love resident evil . dunno why, but it rocks my world .

as for the story, its got a good narative, but you might want to work upon you technique. write the story as you might find it in a book rather than a script.

hope that helps

[Beretta55]

Originally posted by Faile
i love resident evil . dunno why, but it rocks my world .

as for the story, its got a good narative, but you might want to work upon you technique. write the story as you might find it in a book rather than a script.

hope that helps
i dont get quite what you mean.

[Faile]

i mean, you want to work upon the way you write the story. The story itself is good, but your writing technique is lacking somewhat.

[Beretta55]

john went deeper into the hall's it was quiet too quiet he was starting to feel afraid uneasy and paranoid.

whats wrong with me this place is.....has something wrong!! "john screamed out"

just then 3 zombies busted down a door and went after john.

no you dont!! "john yelled while fireing randomly"

the zombies got closer too john until random bullets shot at the zombies. they all fell and died. john looked to his left to see another officer and john ran over to him.

hey thanks man you saved me "john said"
no prob "the man said"
if you dont mind me asking what is your name? "john asked"
im Leon and you are?.... "leon said"
im john im a rookie "john said"
well that makes both of us i just got here "leon said"

the men started talking about what to do next.

[AsylumEscapee]

"From" the "looks" of "it", I'd "say" you're "using" quotation "marks" at "random."

[Beretta55]

well im not doing this story anymore so i really dont care what you think about this story.

[AsylumEscapee]

"Oh" sorry, I didn't "know."